Stephanie White

Wrap yourself in a thin coat and walk to your new job. Let your hands freeze and your lips burn. You like to let the cold wake you up and remind you of where you are now.

Tom Hanks is security blanket in human form and watching him gets me high off of optimism and smiles.

Get the bride-to-be drunk enough on fruity cocktails and sangria that she’s unable to protest your decision to herd the group over to trashiest bar you can Yelp.

Pillsbury Doughboy — you and I both know it’s about time you pulled your head out of the clouds (literally!) and allowed a few others some time in the spotlight.

And if you really feel like getting into the spirit, add some alcohol to the mix! Everyone else is already drunk, so you might as well put in a solid effort to catch up with the rest.

This feels like an episode of Gossip Girl, except in this week’s installment, no one is acting or being ironic!

I’m still totally lost on how a package of powder and hot water magically combine to create this jiggly, untrustworthy semi-solid. Jell-O is hiding something from all of us and I want no part of it!

There’s always one person you’re totally attracted to in class. Usually there’s more than one, because um, this is a YOGA CLASS after all.

This guy puts the CREEP in creeper. And if you’re already familiar with this man’s notorious train ride bumping and grinding, then make sure to keep your eye out for him on your next journey.

You know you’ve hit a rough patch when your life has started to resemble something that could easily be mistaken as the latest installment of a Real Housewives episode.

If you have a ton of things, then be prepared to feel/look like you have a serious hoarding problem.

“I know you don’t know me but I’m kind of a big deal;)”

I hate that I love “Ain’t Nobody’s Business” but I also think that I’m so hypnotizied by the catchiness that is their new hit pop single, that I kind of love that I love it.

If you’ve ever been accused of being a hipster and you’ve taken it kind of personally or wondered what the hell people were even talking about, you should feel comfort in knowing YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Plan to give yourself an hour in “bed” and an hour in “bath,” budgeting no time for the “crap I absolutely do not need” section, more commonly known as “beyond.”

His hair is literally perfect. It’s thick, it’s wavy-ish, it’s dark, and it’s clearly not going anywhere any time soon. Those are some strong Kennedy follicles and I’m in awe of them.

Unless you’re my boyfriend, I probably don’t want to spoon with you. Especially if you have that much back hair.

I hope and I pray that holiday candies have expiration dates, but in my heart I know the truth. Candy corn will outlive us all.