14 Signs You’re A Washed Up College Senior

The term “Senior Washed Up Girl” started at Yale University last year. Since then, it has come to signify the young women everywhere who — during their senior years — are not quite ready for the Real World but are so over college. Here’s a list of 14 signs that you are swaggy enough to have officially reached this kind of SWUG-status:

1.  The bouncers at your college bar know you so well that you head straight to the front of the line as soon as you walk up, no matter how crowded it is. As a freshman, you used to envy upperclassmen girls who could do that, but now, you wonder how much of an accomplishment it really is.

2. You can’t remember the last time you spent more than half an hour getting ready for a campus party, and your heart goes out to those freshmen girls who earnestly dressed to the nines for last Friday’s “Corporate Bros and CEOs” party. Precious babes.

3. Sometimes, a cute guy will approach you and start to talk to you while you’re out. The conversation will go well until you ask, “So…what year are you?” Then, he will tell you that he’s only a freshman or a sophomore, and you will need to walk away — feeling a slight sense of self-loathing for having found him attractive. Why is it so easy to accidentally rob the cradle?!

4. Your feelings about Greek life are different from what they were when you first started college.

5. You’ve started to trim the fat from your friendships. This means feeling less popular on occasion — when your phone doesn’t vibrate with the same urgency on any given weekend as it did a couple of years ago — but it also means knowing that the friendships you’ve chosen to keep are more meaningful.

6. You’ve realized that college boys have more in common with your 12-year-old brother than they do with you, but, at the same time, you and your friends are too scared to venture any older than, say, 25 — which is practically geriatric.

7. Frequently, you will run into people you once dated or liked on campus and wonder if you were mildly concussed while you had feelings for them.

8. After a long week of classes, you are totally down to pregame any given Friday night with a nap before you hit up that bag o’ Franzia.

9. While back-stalking yourself on Facebook — which, deny it or not, is something you and everyone else does — you will come across pictures of yourself from your first year in college. And you will feel intense embarrassment for the ingénue you were, who thought a sequined bra and red tutu was an appropriate freshman Halloween ensemble.

10. After many fiascos (like that time you wiped out on a slippery dance floor in front of someone you were interested in), you have finally learned that nothing good can ever come from wearing heels out.

11. These days, finishing a bottle of wine (read: drugstore Moscato) with your best friend over five episodes of Girls is your idea of a bumpin’ Friday night.

12. Your friends (especially your blissfully naïve underclassmen friends) may call you “soft,” but you’re not ashamed. School has suddenly become ten times harder, and you can’t afford to spend hours out of commission after a night out — curled up in bed with a 20 oz. bottle of Gatorade, nursing the hangover you never used to get.

13. On occasion, you feel a pang of nostalgia for your freshman year body — lithe, skinny, and unmarred by years of late-night Steak ‘n Shake consumption. Sigh.

14. Despite your present level of apathy and no matter how many times you whine to your friends that you “just can’t wait to graduate,” you are terrified of navigating adulthood. College is terrible at times, but it is also fun, and you wouldn’t mind staying coddled for just a bit longer.