Stephanie Georgopulos

Everyone likes a present. However, there are only two things you should offer a crier. A tissue or a cigarette. If you choose to hand over a tissue, just hand it to them. Don’t ask them if they want it; they do. You should always give a crier, stranger or no, a tissue.

The unreliability of our connections turns private chat into a revolving door. “BRB, dad needs phone.” “Sorry, modem froze.” We hate 56K but we don’t know of anything better. To forget the screech of the modem struggling to reconnect, we play the soundtrack of America Online once we’ve safely returned to chat.

You’ll want to load up on booze while you’re there. A bottle of wine will run you $2.99 and you’ll need it by the time you leave.