Stephanie Georgopulos

If there’s a better way to spend my time other than forcefully making myself cry via tearjerking musical marathons, I don’t want to know what it is. (JK – send help.) Everyone should cry once in a while. It’s cathartic and fun, even! Here’s a brief guide to listening to my favorite cry jams, in no particular order. Take a listen if you’re trying to feel feelings or whatever.

1. White denim 2. Pocket watches 3. Tortoise eyeglasses

Why’d you leave me with your crazy sister when you went into labor? She let me drink orange juice and milk at the same time and I threw up everywhere, now I’m scared. Come back soon.

I’ve had the same OkCupid profile for the past four years. I swap out the photographs occasionally and tweak the content every so often, just to keep it fresh, but for the most part it’s the same profile I’ve had since I joined the site in 2007. I, however, am not the same person. This is an exercise in self-preservation…

We’ve gone over this already. Are you purposely daft, or are you actually this stupid? Oh, and yes, excuse me for charging you for work that I did. I don’t need to eat or anything.

While dating someone who loves you, you fall for your hunky boss, who’s in college, and sure, you’ve only known him for like, two days, and yeah he’s your boss, but he’s pretty dreamy so… what boyfriend?

Crushes make us feel good. They distract us, give us something to hope for, and occasionally make us smile. When we have them on someone who’s unavailable, they give the impression that we’re taking a stab at moving on. “Hey guys, look at me! Feelin’ feelings again!”

Our event feeds are so clogged with inappropriate, inane activities that the ones that actually have some relevance are buried between “Wear a white t-shirt on Wednesday to support sharks with cancer!” and “Donate to my Kickstarter cause—trying to make life-sized Funyuns happen!” (GTFO.)

For whatever reason, “Words with Friends” breaks down your social walls and opens up the floodgates for anyone you’ve ever met to request a meeting of the minds via mobile word game. It stands to follow that you’re not actually playing “Words with Friends,” you’re playing Words With People Who Have Downloaded The Same App As You, That You Happen To Know In A Tenuous Manner. Let’s get specific, shall we?

Picture Day, aka The Worst Day Of Every Child’s Life, is a staple in American culture. While kids are forced to participate in this vain tradition well into college, the celebration of Picture Day is most egregious during elementary school.

They’re my friends—I know what they think their problem areas are, I know what colors they think they don’t look good in, I know if wearing a 4-inch heel makes them homicidal. These questions are not for them.

“I saw him read from Downtown Owl at Highline Ballroom a few months ago; I can’t wait to read it,” I bragged. Sam wasn’t having it. “I was there, too. God, I love him. He actually emailed me once, with writing advice. I know his fiancée; she set it up.”