XOXO, ‘Gossip Girl’

You guys! Last night, we smooched Gossip Girl (who’s actually a Gossip Dude) for the very last time. How do you feel about it? Are you satisfied, or do you feel like throwing the entire cast off a Manhattan skyrise during their Man of the Year party?

Series finales are always so hit or miss. LOST made me want to write in asking for a refund on the last six years of my life, Weeds used just about every campy trope they could get their high little hands on, and Gossip Girl creator Josh Schwartz’s The O.C. …should’ve just ended when Marissa died (let’s be real). Even though last night’s finale shared some obvious similarities with its big sister show, I was really pleased with what unfolded. Unlike 70% of would-be great TV shows, Gossip Girl knew what its audience wanted. Maybe they dropped a plot line or two throughout its six seasons (I can’t point out one that I actually give a shit about), but one thing is indisputable — the writers answered the only questions we needed answered: what will become of Chair, who’s Gossip Girl, is Dan the anti-christ?

What I really liked about the answers to those questions is that they make sense. The episode kicks off with a mad dash for Chair to tie the knot so they can keep the brutal details of Bart Bass’ second death between man and wife. We all knew the Chair marriage would be part of the finale, but I appreciated the urgency created by Father Bass’s death (and the cameo made by shithead-turned-good Uncle Jack Bass, played by Desmond Harrington — who starred in two finales this week. Go Quinn!)

But marriage is like, the go-to season closer, and it wasn’t enough to end this era. We needed a Gossip Girl reveal. Nate needed it, The Spectator needed it, and the viewers at home NEEDED IT. And while everyone thought it was Dorota (Dorota? Not to be a dickweed but I’ve seen Dorota’s texts. She’s no blogging prodigy), it turns out Dan Humphrey is Gossip Girl. I’d have to revisit most of the series to speak with any authority that this was clearly Dan’s doing all along, but I don’t think I need to. The Rufus/Dan confrontation and Serena’s suggestion that Dan was as hard on himself as he was on anyone else likely alleviated any discrepancies in the script. The writers know their plot better than I do, and I think they did a fine job tying all the loose ends together. Humphrey has essentially been writing himself into the Upper East Side narrative since the series premiere, it just turns out that Gossip Girl was another channel for him to do so. Who knew? (Honestly, did you guys expect this at all? I didn’t. Am I a dunce?)

In the wake of Humphrey’s announcement, we revisited an idea that was introduced in the season finale of Season 2: Gossip Girl couldn’t survive without gossip. Everyone who’d sent in tips was implicated, not just Dan. Wow, novel thought! Instead of standing around gawking stupidly at their phones like the first time they had this revelation, everyone was like, “Oh, yeah. Duh! Can we stop gossiping about each other now?” And it was cute and sweet and Humphrey finally got the respect he so desperately craved, his anti-christ status downgraded to smug New York City blogger (welcome to the club!)

Of course, we cap things off five years later at Serena and Dan’s wedding, proving that you can talk massive amounts of shit online and someone will still love you — good news for us all! Really though, I didn’t need the Dan/Serena wedding, I wasn’t anticipating it, but I’m glad it happened. After all, everyone knows a woman’s life/TV show isn’t complete unless it ends with a wedding! Also, Chair’s baby? Come onnnn.

In all seriousness, I’m going to miss the shit out of Gossip Girl. My only hope is that Josh Schwartz creates yet another show about rich teenagers to remind me of how old I’m becoming and how poor I already am (interestingly enough, I mean that with every fiber of my being).

What did you think of the finale?

XOXO, Gossip Girls.