ABC's: The Walk Of Shame

W is for Worried

Please don’t wake up. I’m just trying to find my pants and my cell phone, both of which should be easily discernible. Clean your room sometime, asshole.

A is for Acknowledged

“Ohhh… hey babe! Good morning! Yep, gotta go. I have (cough) yoga, at the park. (Cough)… every Saturday it’s my thing? Anyway! Thanks for… all of it. Everything. You’re a great host okay bye!”

L is for Lies

Heh. Yoga. That’s rich.

K is for …Kall Me?

Kall me with a K? What did I drink last night?

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O is for Out Of Here

It’s a beautiful day for a Walk Of Shame! Just need to find my point of reference. I live for disorienting moments like these.

F is for Fuck

Fuck do I need coffee, a cigarette, an order of Steak and Eggs, and a Bloody Mary. Preferably all together in a blender as to alleviate any effort on my behalf.

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S is for Sunglasses

For when Visine and three hours of sleep just won’t cut it. Sunglasses, you complete me. How would I mask the wistful glint in my eye without you?

H is for Hangover

I can see my future flashing before my eyes, and it involves Mexican food and a Law & Order: SVU marathon.

A is for Ashamed

I shouldn’t have done that, probably. I’m going to regret this all day… the remorse could very well haunt me into next week.

M is for Mobile Phone

“Hey. You awake? I’m on the way home. UGHH. No, it was okay. I couldn’t find my headband, so that fucking blows. Made it out of there with my favorite bra and a broken dry spell so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. What time does McNeely’s open? Think I left my scruples in the washroom.”

E is for Espresso

Americano on ice with two sugars and a side of your sympathy, please. To go.