Inside The Mind Of An Online Shopaholic

I’ve always loved shopping. Going to the mall was my one of my favorite activities when I was younger. There’s nothing like a good purchase of a great new perfume or a cute skirt to completely turn your day around (no matter how bad it is). But I was always very skeptical of online shopping all through my teenage years. I was always afraid someone would hack my account and get all my information and spend the very little money I had.

The summer before I went away to college, I finally relented. I purchased a few things online, like my books and a few school supplies. My parents assured me it was safe and I had no troubles.

Little did I know this would be the beginning of the end.

You see, some people have a shopping problem. They blow way too much money at once. Money they don’t have. Thankfully, I didn’t have a credit card when I was younger. My parents didn’t think I was ready. (Good call on their part.) As a result, I’ve never spent more money than I posses. Plus shopping takes a lot of time and effort. You have to drive to the store, walk around all day, try stuff on, wait in lines, etc. A shopping trip is a whole ordeal.

Discovering online shopping was my real problem. This is because you don’t have to do any of those things that make shopping trips a hassle. It’s all at your fingertips. You browse a website, pick what you want, put it in your “cart,” press a few buttons, and bam! You have a present coming your way. You don’t have to do anything besides pay. It comes to you. It makes shopping so easy. It also makes shopping really dangerous.

Back to the beginning of the end. My first few online purchases in the early days of my college career put me at ease with the whole online shopping experience. It was still not my preferred method of purchasing clothes though, because I was worried about sizing. What if it didn’t fit? After I made a purchase of a dress for my sorority’s semi-formal (and taking a tape measure to myself to make sure the measurements of the dress would work for me), I came to realize that as long as you’re really careful, the sizing issue was rarely a problem.

The thing I loved (and still do love) most about online is getting it in the mail. It’s like getting a present. From yourself. Of something you wanted exactly, right down to the smallest detail. What could be better than that feeling? I challenge you to find something better.

So I became an experienced online shopper. But where do you go from being an experienced online shopper to an online shopaholic? The lines tend to blur sometimes. Well, if any of the following scenarios of days inside the mind of an internet shopaholic have ever gone through your head, you probably should close out those tabs on your web browser, go outside, and have a nice, long e-commerce detox.

Day 1

I’ve done it again. I don’t even know how. One minute I was just looking on Instagram and I saw this cute thing my friend had. Something I didn’t have. I totally needed it. I mean, seriously, who doesn’t need a candle that comes with a ring inside of it? It’s totally necessary, and it’s a two-for-one deal. So obviously I had to. What if I really loved it? What if this purchase totally changes my life? I’ll see the world in a way I’ve never seen it before. Okay, right, that’s all the conformation I need to actually do this.

It’s almost like I blacked out for a second.

Did I actually black out for a second?

I think I blacked out for a second.

Oh well. This candle will be here in 3-5 business days. Then I’ll have its aroma to bring me out of whatever trance-like state I just went in to.

Day 2

I really need some new work shoes. OMG this website is giving me a great deal. Buy two get one free? 50% off? Free shipping? Omg this is amazing. Can I use all these coupons at once? Hmm… I don’t think so. Well then I guess I have to make a few separate purchases. That way I get the most bang for my buck. Four pairs of shoes. Alright I’m doing it! Purchased! Oh crap, what did I just do?

Day 3

I’m so bored right now. I literally have nothing to do (besides the 50 things on my to do list that I haven’t accomplished). I might as well surf the internet. Maybe I’ll check my Facebook.

Well, that was quick. Basically nothing new except a bunch of baby pictures and a few hilarious online articles. But now I’m bored again. Wait, what’s this? The Facebook page of this company just posted a coupon code. What is that for? Home decor items. Talk about divine intervention. I’m in desperate need of curtains for the room I just moved into.

I have been spending a lot lately. Maybe I should just wait on that. Although, then the deal will be over before I can make my purchase. Well, I’ll just have a quick look.

Finally done! A new duvet cover, some pillows, and a new lamp. I feel accomplished. Wait. How did that happen? I ordered everything except new curtains. Crap.

… I wonder if that code can work for multiple orders? Maybe if I use a different name. I still need new curtains.

Day 4

I will not open my computer. I will not open my computer. If I do, I will surely go online and find something. I’m the queen at rationalizing purchases. I’ve been on a roll this week. I really need to get on the computer though. I have some serious work to do. I’ll just get on the computer and not open up my web browser.

A few hours later…

Ok you know what? I need a break. I’ve been working hard. Just a quick look online. I’ve really been dying to get a few statement necklaces. I can just look and get ideas of what I want for when I get my next paycheck.

Holy moly, this grab bag has two statement necklaces, and at least three other statement jewelry pieces. I literally can’t even. It’s only 10 dollars. I can afford that. Probably. Plus shipping. I’m about to get paid in a few days anyway, and when I get this in the mail, it will be like a surprise gift from myself. This deal ends today so I can’t hesitate. If I want it I have to do it. Otherwise I will be filled with regret forever wonder “what if?”

You know what? I’m doing it. I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions. I can have a few nice things. I work hard. I deserve a few nice things. Everyone deserves a few nice things. It’s my money. I can spend it however I want and be (relatively) guilt-free. Who’s gonna stop me? No one, that’s who. Okay, that’s all I really need to actually do this.

Why did no one stop me?

I have a serious problem. Someone needs to take my money from me, because I clearly cannot control my urges. I’m gonna go collapse in a puddle of my own tears and think about my utter lack of self-control.

Day 5

Restrain yourself.

Restrain, restrain, restrain.

You can’t afford anything else.

Oh look, I got a package today! This is so exciting. I can’t wait to see what it is. I’ve ordered so many things this past week that I’ve forgotten which ones have already shipped.

It’s my candle. Oh my goodness. It smells heavenly. I’m gonna burn it for hours. I can’t wait for the ring. This smells good. Maybe I should buy another one.

WAIT. No. Restrain yourself, for the love of all that is holy. You are a grown woman. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

Restrain, restrain, restrain.

Day 6

I’m writing in a notebook now. I can’t even go on my computer to type for fear of making another purchase. That’s how much I’ve drained my checking account. Thank goodness my savings and checking accounts aren’t at the same bank. Although, if I did take some money out of my savings account that would really help me — no. I can’t do that. If I do that, money’s never going back in my savings account ever.

But oh, look, my shoes came today! They are the greatest things ever. Seriously, I can’t get enough of them. I have so much variety to my footwear. I’m so freaking excited.

I have bought everything I need (and everything I don’t need) this week. So I can be done now. I don’t need to online shop anymore, that way I can afford important things, like gas and food. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel: tomorrow is PAY DAY. You are a strong, smart, independent woman who doesn’t need any online purchase to validate you.

It sure is fun though.

Day 7

PAY DAY. PAY DAY. EVERYTHING IS GLORIOUS ON PAYDAY. My account balance is out of the single digits and all is right with the world. I have survived my own addiction. Thank goodness. Everything is going to be okay. I have all my purchases made and coming in the mail and I won’t need anything else for a long time. I’m out of the woods. Finally.

… I wonder if there are any good online deals going on? I’ll just take a quick look.