Stacey Becker

You cry at least once a week about work, your boss, or a colleague.

A puppy and a newborn almost guarantee that nobody in your household will sleep consistently for months. The dog makes you more at the ready for those late night feedings and stretches your capacity for patience beyond anything you ever dreamed imaginable.

Tell them that the plumbing isn’t working. You’ve been using your neighbor’s bathroom and showering at the gym. If they don’t believe you and show up anyway, stop flushing the toilets.

You’re much too awesome, smart and civilized to sit around waiting for someone to suddenly realize that their current ex-fiancé is really their best future spouse. That’s just nonsense.

It takes 3 hours to leave the apartment — and you’ll never travel lightly again.

“I may have accidentally sent a friend request to your ex-boyfriend on Facebook. Can I take it back?”

They say that love is blind, but if you find yourself pulling your hair out during your “honeymoon phase,” it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

“This is the best thing that ever happened to you.”