23 Things You Can Only Do With Someone You’re In Love With
Go on an angry, panic-attack level rampage when your cable and Internet are out, you’ve been on hold with the company for 25 minutes, and the line goes dead.
- Dance like a wild, undead beast when Michael Jackson’s Thriller comes on. Show off your zombie-like dance moves and howl like a werewolf at the right parts. Belt out every single word because you’ve memorized this song and aren’t afraid to show it.
- When sick with a bad head cold, stick tissues in your nose instead of constantly blowing it or trying to fight the constant drip. Pretend it’s perfectly normal to have a dirty tissue hanging from the end of your nose, like an accessory. Once used, don’t discard the dirty tissues. Leave them around in random, noticeable, communal places like your bed, the kitchen table, or the couch where your loved one might want to sit and watch some television. If questioned about why you can’t just throw the tissues out, say it’s because you’re an environmentalist and plan to reuse them.
- Ugly-cry. When it’s been a bad day, week, or month and you just can’t take it anymore, don’t be afraid to let it out. Explode with the most audible, moaning cry that you can think of and it’s all good. Your loved one will be there to watch, give you a hug, and won’t judge if your makeup is everywhere or your shirt is wet with tears.
- Floss. If you let someone watch you floss and they don’t go running out the door, that’s love. Flossing is actually dislodging tiny bits of already chewed, partially digested food particles from between your teeth with string. Either these particles end up getting swallowed, stuck to the floss material, or they go flying around your face and attach themselves to whatever or whomever is near by. It’s important to floss and equally amazing to find someone who loves you enough to watch you do it.
- Check yourself out closely in a full-length mirror. Study your pores and any potential gray hairs, and practice different facial expressions. Laugh a little into the mirror so that your smile looks natural and non-plastic for future photos that might make their way onto social media.
- Get on a scale. Let your loved one see the results. That’s love.
- Go on an angry, panic-attack level rampage when your cable and Internet are out, you’ve been on hold with the company for 25 minutes, and the line goes dead.
- Trip over something (or nothing), go flying, catch yourself before you land head-first.
- Laugh so hard and for so long that tears and snot come flying off your face. Then snort, get really caught up, start choking, then cough for the next 10 minutes.
- Wear a hideous top out in public to a family dinner because your grandmother who gave it to you will be there and it makes her happy that you’re wearing it.
- Feel for rogue facial hairs and pluck them with tweezers and the use of a power zoom, well-lit mirror or reflection of your iPhone camera. If rogue facial hairs have formed an army, apply body hair-removing or bleaching cream to such hairs for a few minutes. Continue conversation with loved one while sporting your cream mustache.
- Take various selfies in different lights, tints, and angles while flipping your hair or trying out various arm gestures, such as the one with your hand on your hip or with head tilted in various degrees to the side.
- Work out and sweat like a maniac — so badly that you’ve got sweat stains through your pits, neck and stomach.
- Wave back to someone waving at you only to realize that the person is actually waving to someone behind or in front of you.
- Frantically search for your iPhone, keys, wallet, glasses, iPad, charger, credit card or driver’s license. Scream out every curse word you’ve ever learned while tearing apart your kitchen, living room, or car trying to find these things. Then find whatever you’re looking for in the pocket of the coat you’re wearing that you’ve searched 17 times already or actually in your hand.
- Full-blast singing of Frozen’s Let It Go. Either into a hairbrush, in the shower, or while you think nobody is watching. Use dramatic hand gestures to certain parts of the song such as, “The cold never bothered me anyway.” If the song accidentally repeats itself, don’t skip or fast-forward, but consider it a request for an encore.
- Eat a gigantic burrito, sans fork, knife, and manners. Let the excess rice and beans fly out of the burrito freely. Instead of trying to be civilized, scoop up lost burrito particles with any extra chips you have laying around or just grab it with your hands. If you get pico de gallo or cheese stuck to your face as you face-dive into that burrito, keep going. Your loved one will celebrate your fearlessness.
- Clean the apartment naked while telling a story about something that happened to you on your way to work.
- Leave the bathroom door open while doing your business because you were having a conversation about your plans for the weekend and it never even occurred to you to postpone the discussion or to want or need privacy.
- Fail at something. A terrible job. A bad relationship. A new sport. A new hobby. Those that love you will be there to see your failures and encourage you to get back out there.
- Go on a fast food frenzy. Order and inhale Domino’s Parmesan Bread Bites and Cinna Stix in addition to the deep-dish pizza.
- Being sick and miserable. Whether too many drinks did you in or you’re lying in bed with the flu and a bottle of Nyquil, you can always be sick and unhappy in front of someone who loves you. Plus they can run out to get you meds and food, and tuck you into bed.
- Be yourself. Whether this means you leave a laundry pile sitting until it’s neck-high or you have a color-coordinated closet, someone who loves you, appreciates your quirks, takes the wonderful with the questionable, and cherishes the unique package that you are.
