Sophie Martin

Sending something every now and again to her office. The value of a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates received while in the middle of the work day, in front of all her coworkers, is something you can’t put a price on.

Every song can be about a cheating lover if you want it to, and you can sing along to them really violently.

“Don’t worry, I like curvy girls.”

With the help of his family — and after winning “more medals than Michael Phelps” in the Special Olympics — he achieved his dream of opening the restaurant he’d wanted to run since he was 14 years old.

Using a bathroom at someone’s house where they have not provided a little trash can to throw away their products in. What are you supposed to do, besides roll it up in toilet paper and put it in your purse?? Some of this stuff doesn’t flush!!!

A love of cooking, or at least of eating good food. There is a place and time for Easy Mac and dinosaur nuggets, but you don’t want to be with someone who only ever eats that, and only ever wants to eat that.

Something you clearly bought at a Walgreens on the way over.

The ultimate single person movie, not even counting its holiday theme.

I think the best thing about this film may be that it’s a student film, which seems almost impossible given the quality.

I did what any not-at-all-self-respecting forever alone would have done – I hit Craigslist.

I caught my ex hyperventilating into a pair of my soiled boxer briefs when she thought she was alone.

Mexico produces a lot of money, but most of it goes to the trash because is pocketed by corrupt politicians.

Whether you sprouted boobs in college, didn’t drop your voice until 16, or lost your virginity in your 20s — you’re better for having done things behind schedule.

Complaining about your job in front of someone who is having a really hard time finding one.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Do other people rehearse their orders at restaurants?

The crowd cheers, but she seems pained and upset. He completely stole her moment.

“Breaking up with that awesome girl in college because I wasn’t ready to settle down. Been trying to find a girl that awesome ever since (or remotely close).”