27 Hilarious Tweets You Probably Haven’t Seen Yet
https://twitter.com/SirEviscerate/status/622022341661491200
PARENTS! Is your teen a devil worshipper? Terms to look for…
BFFs: Big Fan For Satan
ASL: Attend Sacrifice Later?
IRL: I Recommend Lucifer— pat tobin (@tastefactory) July 8, 2015
https://twitter.com/ruinedpicnic/status/580378541998661632
“Golf is such a relaxing sport” I say as I throw my clubs into a lake. “Super relaxing” I say as I drive my cart in after it. “I feel so rel
— Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD Bioplasticity (@BuckyIsotope) July 18, 2015
(Interview to be a hot dog vendor at a baseball park)
INTERVIEWER: how loud can you yell 'hot dogs'?
ME: (eyes go completely black) HOT DOGS— Michael Raphone, Sr. (@michael_raphone) June 21, 2015
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/621696738617872384
https://twitter.com/polite_good_boy/status/622117969158537216
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/613332671679344640
i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it
— KING RAINHEAD (@KingRainhead) July 10, 2013
https://twitter.com/KarenKilgariff/status/621563442277715969
https://twitter.com/DanMentos/status/621433778993364992
MONDAY
[boss sees pic of baby]
He looks just like you
You think so?
Absolutely
TUESDAY
[puts suit on son & sends him to work in my place]— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) April 14, 2015
pretty rude of my friends 2 invite me 2 their dry wedding
— babby gril (@a_cute_bug) July 17, 2015
https://twitter.com/JhonRules/status/581154330192965632
https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/620933294176079873
*stomps feet twice and claps over and over until everyone at the funeral is doing it* "we will…we will..miss you"
— brent (@murrman5) July 12, 2015
[After losing a rap battle]
"How did he get a hold of my credit score?"— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 7, 2015
https://twitter.com/shutupmikeginn/status/619171442958008320
https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/618772963974885376
Thanks for sending flowers but when I said my aunt was sick I meant at freestyle battle raps.
— ceej (@ceejoyner) November 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/sam_reginald/status/618654104793976832
https://twitter.com/kibblesmith/status/609921537035104256
[At work]
"guys check this out"
[Tries to do the fake walking downstairs thing but gets it wrong & walks up into the air]
"Holy shit help"— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) July 5, 2015
I named a comet after you. It's called "piece of shit comet"
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) February 8, 2015
https://twitter.com/Karate_Horse/status/617330272648998912
if hotdogs were called hotcats nobody would eat them
— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 3, 2015
