The Uninvited Guest

It is something that one rarely talks about.
Not a perfect topic for a party gossip
nor fitting for a celebrity tabloid.
Yet it’s something everyone feels once in a lifetime—
Some occasionally, while others for a much longer time.
It’s like a weight you can’t take off your chest.
It feels like not giving your very best.
Every little chore, no matter how small, feels like agony.
It leaves you to constantly debate with your head
whether to pause for just a second
or not to give a moment of rest.

It’s an inability to get out of bed.
Positive words fall flat at your feet.
A hollow in your chest you can’t seem to fill.
It’s a feeling of strange numbness.
You are not sure if you could be happy again
or be able to get out of this limbo of madness.
This constant clockwork of mundane life
every tick-tock, time in slow motion.
It’s like waking up every morning
with a fresh new gap in your heart.
Hours will pass from morning till noon
and you wonder why you can’t leave your bedside.
Soon afternoon will be followed by the night
by the time you figure out why you feel like this inside.

Depression is worse when you can see
that nobody understands how you feel.
Even if you could manage to form the words in your mouth,
tongue-tied and paralyzed,
you still can’t explain how you feel
without feeling like you’re complaining.
You’re not sure how to exactly explain the other term
of not being able to get out of bed
without anyone shaking their heads and calling it “laziness”.
And so you end up saying, “I’m alright.”
You pin a smile to your face, from side to side,
like drawing up heavy curtains for the show to start.
Even if your mind and your soul revolts to your lies,
even if they threaten to tear you up on the inside,
your smile hangs like a death in the air
and yet you barely manage to say, ”I’m fine.”

If I could tell you the difference between depression and sadness,
I’d say that sadness is a face that weeps when hurt
while depression is a faceless hood, stony and cold.
If there’s a party in the house and sadness, your guest,
then, like happiness, would linger no more
longer than the hour of stay.
But depression is your uninvited guest,
the ultimate gatecrasher, unwanted and ill-favored.
A parasite that feeds off unannounced
and refuses to ever leave your house
or your side till death do you part.

A dark overlord, a dreadful usurper of all your sentiments.
Like the great god Cronus who devours his offspring mercilessly,
it opens its mouth wide and devours each emotion one by one,
tender and defenseless like a child.
Till you are left with none but apathy and regret.
Till your eyes turn into a dried-out river in a no man’s land.
Till laughter becomes an unfamiliar noise in your throat.
Till you begin to think that life could only be easy if you could just quit it.

There is one thing I’d like you to know.
If you feel like this pain will never end,
understand that this is never your permanent abode.
For we are merely giant, solid rocks.
We are meant to be broken apart, beaten up, and cut into pieces
before we are turned into precious stones.
For we are merely large slabs of marble, disfigured and unshaped
till we are hammered by the hands of the Sculptor.
By His greatest work, we become a masterpiece.
For we are the sands of time and He, the Glass-maker.
From the dust of life, He burns and blows into our soul
And then molds into a perfect form of artistry.

Such brilliant work takes patience and time.
I hope you realize that you were never meant to fade
nor to wither away like a flower in a harsh cold winter.
If there should ever be a purpose for such misery,
then let it be to serve others who are unsure of their direction.
Let yourself become the precious stone
that shines brighter than the stars at night
and light the path for the future travelers.
The masterpiece that arouses passion and hunger for life.
The artistry that inspires others to take up the mantle.
If there should ever be a reason for such misery,
then let it be to guide the ones in their way,
lost and confused just like you.