17 Things That Would Happen If Men Got Periods

(1) Whenever a guy committed a violent crime, people would ask, “But was he on his period?”

(2) To that measure, any time a man didn’t live up to expectations, we’d all first ask — “But was he on his period?”

(3) Dudes would never be pressured into sex by getting shamed for being a prude for not wanting to have sex while on their period.

(4) Nobody would ask them “Are you on your period?” when they’re having a bad day because, unlike women, men aren’t constantly expected to be smiling all the way through life.

(5) Advertisers would show men lifting heavy things or being extra masculine on their periods (instead of the dainty, happy women you see in ads now).

(6) Dudes would probably brag about it. “Bro, my flow was so heavy today, I had to use three pads.”

(7) As a result, super maximum absorbency pads would attain the status of Magnum condoms.

(8) The government and private companies alike would ensure that men got the very best pad/tampon technology. And all of it would be covered by insurance

(9) Women get told their period makes them make irrational decisions. Men would get told they’re at their most creative things/do their best work when they’re on their period.

(10) Men’s periods would not gross people out like women’s periods do now. We’d all talk about it openly. It wouldn’t be taboo.

(11) There’d be an extra seven days off a month to accommodate for men being in pain for a week. There’s not now, because patriarchy.

(12) Men’s first period would be cause for a giant celebration — it’d be like a bar mitzvah.

(13) For some dudes, periods would be a sacred time when they go into their quiet mancaves and are not allowed any disturbance.

(14) “Heavy flow porn” would be HUGE. (Yes, heavy periods would be fetishized if men got them instead of women.)

(15) Women would constantly be talked down to as “not knowing what pain is really like, at all.”

(16) During the halfway point between their last period and their next period — when men would be most fertile (women are most fertile thirteen to sixteen days after their period) — women would be under IMMENSE pressure to have sex with their male partners.

(17) Dudes would only buy pads. There’s no way they’d ever stick a tampon inside their bodies.