20 Things You Should Know About Dating Older Men

1. If you thought before that you were old at 32, you now realize that 32 is not old. You are a spring chicken—fertile and glowing. Your skin still has elasticity and you can run a 5K without stopping.

2. Old and young are completely relative terms

3. You learn all about the human body in ways you never thought possible: Strange odors, saggy skin, digestive issues, excessive hair in inopportune places … (And remember- it’s all downhill from there!)

4. With Cialis, anything is possible.

5. Older men are often more chivalrous and “old school” about courtship. You will never put up with any of that 28-year-old “let’s just hang out” bullshit ever again.

6. Any personal flaws you once saw in yourself now have completely dissipated. You are now Sheena: Goddess of Beauty and Sex.

7. With an older man you already have built-in wealth and stability–unfortunately you’ve also just fast forwarded past the most exciting parts.

8. An older man will often be more set in his ways and less adventurous both in life and the bedroom.

9. Older men like you to be on top. Because they often can’t.

10. Words like blood pressure, cholesterol, and prostate start to take on a new meaning.

11. You can ask him about any issue you are dealing with, and chances are, he will have had experience with it and can give sound advice. Above all, he loves imparting knowledge and being a mentor.

12. The whole mentor/ mentee thing can get old after a while. And you start to question if this is an equal relationship.

13. Evil ex-wives can and will make your life a living hell.

14. Ironically, you will never feel more desirable or powerful than when you’re 20 years a man’s junior. It’s just how it is. Regardless of his impressive accolades or how much wisdom and he has accrued, you have something he will never ever be able to have again: youth.

15. When you realize that you’re ten years older than his daughter, ummm yeahhhhhh…

16. You will stop seeing your friends and doing things you used to do, like boozy brunches and random warehouse parties. You now go to “functions” and dinners in far off places like Long Island.

17. While he keeps telling you “age is just a number” you start to think that may just be something older men made up so they could date younger and hotter women.

18. When you realize he’s ten years younger than your dad….. [vomits in mouth]

19. The gestalt of being the younger trophy-girlfriend starts to wear off–especially when you realize you can be a trophy to a much younger and hotter man.

20. It’s important to try everything once as far as dating. But in the end you want to marry for love and nothing else.