5 Lingering Questions I Have For My Ex-Girlfriends

1. Why Do You Always Carry Handbags Around?

I was fascinated by how much random stuff they could fit in their handbags. Asking what was in them was a great way for me to learn about their values and personalities. I will admit I took advantage of their handbags by always asking to put my stuff in them whenever we were out in public. I don’t feel too bad about it because we both benefited from having Chapstick and hand lotions handy.

2. Why Do You Never Have Anything To Wear?

In college, going up to their rooms was a big spectacle for me. I would look at their closets and try to help pick out things for them to wear on Friday nights. However, most of my suggestions were usually dismissed. Astounded by the different styles and types of clothes they had, they would always complain they didn’t have anything proper to wear for a night out on the town. I’m not shy to say that I was envious of the amount of fabrics they had to work with to create a nice look for themselves.

3. Why Do You Say They Want To Be Kissed After Sex?

Now this question I’m afraid to figure out a answer. Louis CK said that if a woman wants to cuddle and kiss and talk after sex, it means the man did nothing for her and she’s still horny. My pride and self-esteem won’t accept this explanation, so I’m going to go with my self-justification that my ex-girlfriends liked to be kissed at an opportune time in a romantic relationship with me.

4. Why Do You Say You Have A Better Sense Humor Than Me?

It took me a year after college to crack the code to this question. After reading about a study done at Stanford, researchers found out that women have a classier sense of humor than men. They gave men and women funny cartoons to look at while having their brains monitored with an MRI scan. Men showed a lot less activity in their brains than women. Women evaluated the cartoons with much more thought and their brains experienced more delight with each cartoon. Now I get why my ex-girlfriends didn’t appreciate slapstick humor as much as I did.

5. Why Do You Blame Me For Not Listening To You?

I credit them for improving my listening skills. But to get to the bottom of this, I turned to science again. According to the science journal NeuroImage, when men and women speak, the human brain processes the sounds of these voices differently. Men’s brains hear women’s voices first as music. So the brain goes into overdrive trying to analyze what is being said. Thus, because women have a more complex range of sound frequencies than a male voice, a guy’s brain must work harder to analyze the sound frequencies and comprehend the meaning intended from women. Now I know why I enjoy listening to female vocals and hum my honey-do lists.

While, I have found my answers, I know there is so much more to know about women. I’ve only scratched the surface. Comment below to share questions about your ex-girlfriends or boyfriends you wanted to tell them, but were afraid to ask. I’m sure we can find interesting answers and get to the bottom of them.