Samantha Matt

More people like your photos online than the number of people you have talked to in the past month.

Pour a mixed drink into a plastic water bottle and bring it out with you. And then down it in the bathroom.

Oh look, another one bites the dust.

The act of complaining about people that are younger than you.

I’m pretty sure its way too cold right now for me to take my clothes off. MUST. NOT. TAKE. BLANKET. OFF.

Figuring out who you’re going to take pictures with and then who’s house you’re going to take these pictures at. This shit put the END in friendship.

Speak up about what you want and what you don’t want.

All jokes aside, vaginas are actually the worst.

You eat really healthy during the day… and you secretly STARVE.

1. The first thing you do when you wake up every morning is check your phone.

Hello everyone. My name is Sam and I finally realize that I am 26 years old and it’s suddenly becoming less and less cute to still be dependent on my parents for things.

Being a girl is hard. Help. Here are 10 girl probs you prob know pretty well if you’re, like, a girl living in, like, a first world. 1. Being on the end of a picture. Should you skinny-arm?

We’re all changing, and you know you can feel it…

Basically every 20-something every Friday.

Apartment living ain’t easy.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized I was no longer the awkward recent grad in the office who complained about all the “older” people at work constantly talking about weddings and babies, and instead I am now one of those older co-workers who graduated years ago and talks a whole lot about weddings.

I am currently an ex-cheerleader. I did the whole thing — little kid cheer, high school cheer, college cheer. I did it right up until college graduation actually, and despite years of growing distant from the sport I MISS IT.

Dun dun dun… Behold: The Mass Text.