A Haiku For Every Guy I’ve Slept With

1. How do girls die twice?
Abuse her, destroy her youth.
They’ll still call you cool.

2. I cheated with you.
You were a douchebag but thanks
for setting me free.

3. Great sex helped us fall
in love. It’s been an epic
love story. Goodbye.

4. They say experience
comes with age. You were three-five,
they were so damn right.

5. You forgot your girl
friend. I remember your small
dick. You were the worst.

6. We were too alike.
You fell asleep during sex.
Wasted good friendship.

7. You whispered “I love
yous” while you were inside me.
I can still hear them.

8. I only kissed you
’cause our friends begged me to. I
felt sorry – sorry.

9. You’re hot when you’re drunk.
You ate me in the shower.
I ate your sushi.

10. You cooked me breakfast
and kissed me goodnight. I was
not ready for it.

11. I was bored and you
looked like number six. I hate
that you cuddled me.

12. Scientists are smart
but not when it comes to bed.
Don’t get too attached.

13. The snow on your skin
set me on fire. The marks I
made matched your reef cuts.

14. Humor is sexy.
Laughed while we fucked, I’m not so
empty anymore.

15. You were the first to
write about me. We slept with
fireflies in my room.

16. You’re too high on meth
to know what you want. I don’t
wanna be your cure.

17. An almost threesome.
You loved my blow jobs too much.
It got boring quick.

18. Rough sex is good but
kindness is better. Should’ve
kissed your friend instead.

19. Have not met you yet.
I’m waiting, and it’s worth it.
I hope you’re the last.

(19.) You’re a coward with
a lion’s roar. I was wrong,
so wrong about you.

20. A player got played.
Fucked your friend to piss you off.
Smile, boy, no loss here.

21. Another name off
my bucket list. I don’t give
a shit anymore.

22. Gave up on love when
you asked, ”Do you still want me?”
Finally? I do.