10 Realistic New Years Resolutions You’ll Actually Accomplish
Listen. You could buy that Groupon deal for the gym membership and you’ll spend a few days in early January trying to get a butt that can balance a cup like Kim Kardashian, but we both know how quick that resolution will fail. New Year’s Resolutions are just idealistic hopes for self-improvement. Why set yourself up for failure with impossible goals? Aim a little lower. Here’s how to do you, but do the best you:
1) Play fun apps (and improve your brain while you’re at it)
There’s always room to improve your brain in reading, writing, and arithmetic… Figuring out if arithmetic means math… See? Much improvement needed. But like, who wants to actually give themselves homework to do? Ugh. Luckily there’s the app Elevate that tricks your lazy ass into learning with quick lessons through incredibly fun and fast-paced games. It was named 2014’s App of the Year and it’s free so, enough said there.
2) Binge watch on Netflix
This one is something you would be doing anyway, but turning it into a resolution gives you the feeling of accomplishment. Completing an entire television series in one sitting and a bag of family sized chips doesn’t have to equal draining despair. It can become a personal challenge met with success and pride. Go for the gold, man. Finally start “Twin Peaks” or get into “Black Mirror” that everyone’s been talking about. Relive the magic of “Gilmore Girls”. The world is yours!
3) Stop holding in your pee
The bathroom is probably just steps away, yo. Just get up already. I know the bed is warm or you haven’t physically moved from your position in over an hour, but the quick relief is worth getting back to doing the nothing you were probably doing.
4) Gain a little weight
What if instead of trying to curb what you eat, your goal was to just eat. Look how exciting that prospect is to you already. Are you salivating? I am. Finally try that restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to. Buy your favorite snack to have readily available come midnight. Go ‘head and drop those m&ms into your popcorn, dude. Not saying to derail your health, but if you look at food as an excitement rather than as guilt, you’ll enjoy and appreciate it that much more. Life’s what you make it, so make it taste good.
5) Learn the rap in TLC’s “Waterfalls”
That’s just necessary for everyday life.
6) Cancel on social plans
Take the chance to say yes to saying no to all the plans you don’t really want to attend. You’ve got a lot of Netflix to go through, anyway. So hey – two birds with one stone!
7) Buy something off your Amazon Wishlist
That item has been sitting there for months. Why wait? Treat yourself. No regrets.
8) Take More Selfies
We all take them, no use feeling bad about it. But if you call it an art project in learning to become comfortable with yourself or whatever, it’ll make you feel less vain, probably.
9) Lessen the hashtag usage
#Seriously #NoOneNeedsToAddThatManyHashtags #LessIsMore
10) Wear less pants
Who needs em? While you’re at it, wear no bras with every opportunity. Give yourself the resolution of freedom in 2015. 
