This Is Why Everyone Should Get Excited About Free Slurpee Day

I always forget about Free Slurpee Day. Every year, July 11th rolls around, 7/11, and by the time I realize that everyone’s drinking a free Slurpee, by the time I actually make the conscious connection between the proliferation of small Slurpee cups and the calendar date, it’s usually too late.

“No!” I raise my fists and cry out to the sky. People ask me, “Rob, what’s wrong? Did you drink your free Slurpee too fast? Do you have a Slurpee headache?” And I’m forced to admit that, no, I didn’t drink my free Slurpee too fast, because I never got my free Slurpee, because I always forget about Free Slurpee Day.

Why can’t I remember? Most of the blame lies with Seven-Eleven. It’s great that you want to use July 11th as a date to drum up some publicity, but you should advertise the fact that you’re going to be giving away free Slurpees. Why keep it a secret? What’s the point of giving away free Slurpees only to customers who frequent Seven-Eleven often enough to know about Free Slurpee Day?

And that’s not even a totally valid point, because I go to Seven-Eleven all the time, and I still manage to forget about Free Slurpee Day. Which leads me to believe that Seven-Eleven is being disingenuous in its attempts to reward the public with free Slurpees. It’s like you want to get all the PR benefits of having given out free Slurpees, all while keeping it this semi-secret occasion.

Because why not advertise? How about hyping up a little of the excitement on social media? I know that if I were in charge of creating my own Slurpee-themed holiday, I’d make sure that everyone knew about it, and I’d try to make it a really big deal. Why am I getting the sense that Seven-Eleven is only begrudgingly embracing the 7/11 date?

Look, I’m not one to complain about getting a free Slurpee. But if I were, I’d point a finger at Seven-Eleven and say, small? That’s it? Just one free small Slurpee? Why can’t you give out free large Slurpees? Are those extra free ounces of Slurpee breaking the bank? What’s the mark up on Slurpee, really? How expensive can it be to mix sugar and ice?

It’s one day a year, which can’t really make that much of a dent in profits. Go a little crazy. I’m just saying, if you want to get people excited about Slurpees, excited about Seven-Eleven, I’m not getting that sense of excitement out of a measly small cup of Slurpee. Just give out large Slurpees. Make me feel like I’m actually getting treated to something. And tell your employees to stop giving me that, “Really? You came all the way to Seven-Eleven for a free small Slurpee?” look when I come in for my free Slurpee. Make it like you’re happy to give out as much free Slurpee as we want.

Knowing that Seven-Eleven isn’t super enthusiastic about parting with its precious Slurpee for free, I think it’s up to us, the public, to educate our fellow consumers about the joy of Free Slurpee Day. It’s this Saturday, July 11th. Get there early. I know I will. You don’t want to risk arriving late, all of the popular Slurpee flavors might get sold out, and you’ll have to settle for one of those gross sugar-free Crystal Lite Slurpees. Ugh, no thanks.

Make a day out of it. I usually try to see how many free Slurpees I can get away with before the clerks start recognizing me as a repeat offender. After that, I simply drive to the next Seven-Eleven and start over again, which is great, because there are Seven-Elevens on every block where I live, so I can feasibly go an entire day without consuming anything else besides Slurpee.

Like I said, I’m really excited about this year, because in years past, life’s been in the way, and I’ve let the day go by without taking advantage of my free Slurpee. But not this year. This year I’m committed to Free Slurpee Day. Last January I made a New Year’s resolution to make it a point not to forget about it this time around. And so far, I’m well on my way to staying true to my word. Let’s do this everybody, let’s get up early on Saturday and have some free Slurpees. Happy Free Slurpee Day everybody.