Here’s What You Need To Know Before Dating A Needy, Whiny, Super-Duper Insecure Guy

Baby, I love spending time with you, I love it when you’re around. I just love you so, so much. I just can’t get enough of you, of us. Why do I feel like sometimes you’re pushing me away? Like the other day, when we were hanging out at your place, and you said that you needed to grab a sweatshirt upstairs. I offered to come with you and you were all like, “No, it’s OK, I got it.” You got it? You don’t like spending time with me? I’m just saying, I don’t want to make too big a deal out of it or anything, but I was totally willing to go with you. Excuse me for thinking you might have wanted some company. There I go, being too clingy again. Sorry for caring.

And sorry I’m not sorry. Actually, I am sorry. You’re totally right, I was being crazy. Is it really crazy to get crazy though? I’m just crazy about you baby. I can’t stop thinking about you. And sometimes, even when you’re right next to me, I’m thinking about what it’s going to be like when you have to go to work or go to the bathroom. It’s too much, every time life rips us apart, forces us in separate directions. Is it really wrong of me to want to maximize our time together?

Was it something I did? Is that why you didn’t want me to go get that sweatshirt with you? Because I can totally work on it. Whatever it is, for real, if you’d just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not a mind reader, OK, you have to talk to me. Remember that article I sent you three weeks ago? The one about communication? About it being a crucial part of any good relationship? I sent it to your personal and work emails. No, that was the intimacy article. No, not the one about trust. Although those were both really important articles. Did you read them?

But open communication, just tell me what’s wrong. Seriously, I can take it. What is it? Tell me! Why can’t you just answer a simple question? What am I doing that’s bothering you? Baby? Hello? Baby? See this is exactly what I’m talking about. You’re totally shutting down on me. What, would you prefer a boyfriend who doesn’t care? Is that what you want, someone who never calls and texts you to see how you’re doing or what you’re doing right now or what you’re thinking about or when are you going to be home from work or why aren’t you answering my phone calls?

I’m sorry, yes, I remember what you told me about boundaries last time, that whole conversation about personal space. I get it, all right, I’m a human being too, I understand that everyone needs some time to themselves. But didn’t you just have a girls’ night out like five weeks ago? Well what would you call it then? Are you serious? You, Christine, Sally, Preda and Lakshmi going out for a drink after work doesn’t count as a girls’ night out? OK, well if it wasn’t a girls’ night out, why didn’t you call me? Well, you could have introduced me. No, it wouldn’t have been weird. You could have just told me about the work stories on the phone ahead of time so it wouldn’t have been awkward, me just standing around while you all talked about work. Yeah well, I could have gotten off of work early. I wouldn’t have minded taking a cab across town. Well we could have at least met up afterward. Well next time just let me know, all right, even if I can just pick you up and walk you back to your place. I’m telling you, it wouldn’t have been an inconvenience. I just love spending time with you, baby.

Honey, come on, why can’t I shake this feeling like you’re not telling me something? Like when your parents were in town and you said it was too soon, and then when I showed up anyway, and we totally hit it off. Why are you still mad about that? Your parents totally loved me, I could tell. That’s not fair, I just thought you were nervous is all, and I thought, what better way than to just show up? And by the way, two and half months is not too soon.

Well excuse me for wanting to get to know you and be a part of your life. Maybe you should have started dating someone who doesn’t really care about you or meeting your parents or sending you an Edible Arrangement to work on our almost-three-month anniversary. No it totally wasn’t weird. It was not. That’s not true, Lakshmi told me that it was a big hit, that everyone in the office loved it. Because I friended her on Facebook. Because I went through your friend list and found her and friended her and then sent her a message asking about the Edible Arrangement. And she said everyone loved it and that it was so sweet.

Oh come on, that is not creepy. It’s not. I’m being thoughtful. Because I can’t stop thinking about you. Baby, please, just, I love you so much. Well, you don’t have to say it back right away, just take your time. But it’s not fair to make me hold it in, not when I’m feeling it. I love you. No, I won’t stop saying it. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Maybe just try saying it to see how it feels. Just to say it. Just say it to say it and see if anything happens. What are you afraid of? Come on, baby, please, just try it, just please say it to me. Just please …

OK, you’re right. I just love you so much. No, I get it. I totally get it. Everyone needs space now and then. That’s totally cool. So like how much space, like an hour? Like two hours? Well, just call me when you get home and let me know. OK, well just call me when you get home so I know that you got home all right. You sure you don’t want me to walk you? Right, right I got it, OK, space. But just send me a text, OK? Because last night you didn’t call, and I sent you a text asking if you got home all right, and you didn’t answer, and I sent like twelve more texts and I started freaking out and worrying and then finally I just walked to your place and hung out for a while outside until I saw you pass by your bedroom window. Just text me, all right? Is that a yes? OK, I’ll call you later. Let me know when you want to talk or hang out or snuggle. I love you. OK, bye. I love you.