The Last Time I Told Him I Loved Him

The last time I saw him, I was getting into a cab. It was 6:00 am on a Monday morning, and we had just finished saying our goodbyes. He told me to text him as soon as I got home. I nodded, knowing that if I tried to speak, the tears I was fighting so hard to hold back would come pouring down. He closed the door as I entered the cab and watched as it began to move away. Our eyes met for a split second, a million thoughts flashed through my mind and the tears could no longer be held back. My heart ached, and the only person who could fix it was now just a tiny dot in the rearview mirror.

The last time I fought with him, he said perhaps we weren’t meant to be. I told him I never wanted to see him again and that I wish I had never met him. I stormed out of the room, secretly hoping he’d follow me. He didn’t.

The last time I kissed him, we were talking in his room on a Sunday night. He pulled me closer and I played with his hair until he drifted off to sleep. He always wondered why it took me so long to fall asleep. But how could I get sleep with my heart beating this fast? How could I close my eyes for even a second, when the love of my life was right next to me?

The last time I laughed with him, I was in my pajamas on a Tuesday morning. We were getting breakfast and I filled him in on all the latest gossip from my accounting class. I stole bacon off his plate as he told me about his week. He laughed at how much of a messy eater I was and as he fished scrambled egg out of my hair, he told me there’s no one he’d rather spend his time with.

The last time I hugged him, he couldn’t let go. His voice broke as he asked me to stay for just one more minute. I forced myself to step back and faked a smile as my heart broke into a million pieces. I told him not cry and wiped away his tears while holding back my own.

The last time I told him I loved him, I never heard it back…