He Didn’t Know How To Love Me Because He Didn’t Know How To Love Himself

Letting your soulmate go is one of the most heart jerking decisions you will ever experience. I am still dealing with the emotions of that decision and it hurts like hell. Every single day.

I wasn’t even looking for someone. I was busy loving and living my fulfilling life and he showed up. He was the guy I never saw coming. He called me beautiful and supported my dreams. He called and texted without prompt, took me out on expensive dates and cradled my heart. He made me laugh like a hyena and brushed away my tears. He treated me like a princess in every sense of the word. He was home for me. I saw myself having babies and exchanging life time Kermit jokes under the moonlight.

But he was broken incredibly by the girl before me. Maybe he always was and would always be.

We dropped ‘us’ under the definition of ‘wrong timing’ and as I bawled into my Blueberry cheesecake ice cream, I knew it was true. You see, it’s not because he wasn’t a good guy. He was amazing. I was pretty awesome too and we fit like two missing pieces of a puzzle.

But he couldn’t give me what he didn’t know how to be yet.

It takes a lot to love someone truly and openly.  He was in the process of learning to love and develop himself, after the demise of his first relationship. I had him beaten by a furlong through my own life experiences. I knew how to love myself and to share that love authentically.

So to the girl who gets to date or marry him after me, take care of him. He may pretend to be tough, big and strong but he’s really a scared little boy navigating the world, hoping to leave his own, unforgettable mark. We all have been that scared little boy or girl so be gentle.

To me, there is nothing as precious as his heart except my own. He will surprise you with the expanse of his dreams but trust me, I have watched his dreams continue to come alive through his drive, dedication and ambition. He’s tireless and fearless. He will push you too, to have a seat right within the stars.

Not because I walked away means I will ever stop loving him. It just means I love me too– enough to go out and find my own happily ever, with someone who wants the color the same page with me, and not be  characters on a page in two separate books.

So I pray for his maturity into a man he himself is proud of and that you will be proud to love for a lifetime.

So no matter what happens in this lifetime, you will live and love again. Be strong emotionally for you, and your perfect Prince Charming will coming knocking on your door.