The Pick-Up Follies: The Dance Fiasco

Dancing with a chick is one of the most effective ways to pick her up, slightly behind using chloroform and dragging her into a van. Unfortunately for me, I dance about as well as drunk white people at a wedding. The only moves I can do with some level of competence are twirling and the two-step. Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop me from incorporating it as one of the tools I use to pry open a chick’s panties.

I met up with my Ranger buddy “Dirty Dick” for the Old World Oktoberfest in Huntington Beach, CA. The original plan involved about six of us meeting up there and getting wrecked, but everyone flaked except for Dirty Dick and me. He had with him his latest piece of fine ass whose name doesn’t really matter. All that mattered was that he was going to fill her with enough alcohol that she would fuck him. We were drinking our overpriced beer, socializing, and scouting out a potential target for my irresistible charm. The pickings were slim since most of the women seemed to be with men already. I walked around and began to hit on a voluptuous Asian chick. I was quickly rejected, so I moved on. I hit on a thin white girl, and it was going well until she dropped the boyfriend bomb, after which I ejected myself from the conversation. I was three beers deep when I headed back to chill with Dirty Dick and his chick.

We were standing on the edge of the dance floor when we saw a decent-looking chick with hipster glasses dancing with a middle-aged woman. Dirty Dick pushed me to go dance with them, but I resisted because the timing didn’t feel right. They eventually stopped dancing and, as luck would have it, walked up and stood next to me. Like a tiger on the hunt, I saw my prey and pounced.

Raul: “I like your moves.” I smirk.

HipsterGlasses: “Yeah? You want to dance?”

Raul: “Let’s go.” I grab her by the hand and lead her to the dance floor.

She was a wild one. She eagerly spun underneath my hand as I twirled her around and around. She would grind up against me and then scurrying away suddenly as if to tease me. Her plump tits bounced and her ass swayed lusciously. Her every move heightened my eagerness to shove my dick so deep inside of her pussy that my cum would squirt out of her mouth. She would aggressively dash toward me so I could twirl her. It required my full concentration and sense of balance to keep her from falling. I twirled her like a tornado.

Then she slipped from my hand and I heard a big crash. She was on the floor screaming in pain. “Oh fuck,” I said and rushed to help her. I tried to lift her up and get her back on her feet. “Ahhh…put me down! Put me down!” she said. I complied with her request. She began to grab her ankle. Suddenly her family came over and helped her hobble back to her table. Her mother told me that it wasn’t my fault.

I stood there shocked for a moment, not sure what to do. Dirty Dick and his current fling were looking at me, attempting to contain their laughter. I walked over to them.

Dirty Dick: “Did you break her?”

Raul: “I don’t fucking know. I hope not.”

Dirty Dick: “Dude, she flew across the dance floor.”

Raul: “Fuck.”

I walked over to her.

Raul: “Are you OK?”

HipsterGlasses: “No. I broke my ankle.” Someone hands her some ice and she it places on her ankle.

Raul: “Oh, fuck. I’m sorry…”

HipsterGlasses: “It’s not your fault. I broke it playing soccer eight months back. Tonight was the first night I’ve been out without my cast.”

Raul: “Shit…” I wasn’t sure what to say or do. I still wanted to talk to her because despite her injury, I still had the goal of banging her.

HipsterGlasses: “You don’t have to stick around. You can go back to having fun with your friends. I’ll be OK.” Tears start forming in her eyes from the physical pain.

Raul: “Let me get you a drink. What do you want?”

HipsterGlasses: “Vodka Red Bull.”

I bought her a Vodka Red Bull, handed it to her, and rejoined Dirty Dick. I felt it was best to give her a drink and then check up on her. Besides, it’s hard to have a conversation with a girl who’s wincing in pain. After about 15 minutes, I walked back over to her.

Raul: “How’s the foot?”

HipsterGlasses: “Still fucked-up.”

I tried to make small talk to help distract her from her ankle pain, daring to dream that I still had the chance to get into her panties by playing the caring, empathetic guy.

Raul: “How about you give me your number and I take you out to make up for this?”

HipsterGlasses: “I don’t really trust you yet. Maybe if you get me another drink.”

Raul: “Sure.”

I walked away, determined to booze her into forgiving me. But then I ran into two other girls and began to hit on them. I must have talked to them for 15 minutes when the one I was targeting mentioned that she had a boyfriend. I wasn’t really into the other girl, so I went to the bar and finally ordered another Vodka Red Bull for HipsterGlasses.

But by the time I got back to the dance hall, she and her family were gone. I sighed and headed back to hang with Dirty Dick, who at this point was devouring his female companion’s face. There were no other single chicks to hit on, and I resigned myself to getting drunk and brooding about being alone. I had batted 0 for 4. Not every night can be a winner, but it can be a learning experience. This taught me that if you break a girl’s ankle and are trying to get her drunk so you can fuck her anyway, don’t get distracted by other girls. Keep your eyes on the prize.