Like It Or Not, Your Sexuality DOES Define You

A few days ago I came across an op-ed in Reddit which stated the need for our fabulous community to stop using the expression “I’m not defined by being gay”.

This article was posted there under the title “I hate articles that tell a group they must stop saying this or doing that”, and some of the comments were so removed from reality that I was feeling the need to puke.

I’m more complex than “gay”. I am so tired of identity politics. It’s hyper-intolerant and hypocritical.

Humans are wonderfully complex, deep, layered, and multifaceted. Why describe a rich tapestry by a single thread?

I’m not the person who defines themselves by their sexuality. That’s boring and completely ignores everything else about me by attaching “gay XXXX” to it.

It is my humble opinion that if you truly believe this, reality is going to hit you hard, soon, and straight in the face.

We’re queer above all, like it or not.

I’m not defined by my sexuality, my gender identity, or my preferences of who I sleep with. That would be terribly stupid because I’m much more than that, I’m worth much more than a simple set of sexual preferences and feelings.

But, if I have to be honest, I’m 34-years-old and so far nobody has said in my face “Hey, look at that photographer,” frothing at the mouth like venom from a snake. I have never heard someone say, “These damned translators are everywhere” uttered with hate and contempt. And the last time I heard, there’s been not a single occurrence of a killing committed at the shout of “Go get that web designer, guys!”

We are complex, unbelievably so. It’s the truth: we can’t exclusively define ourselves by our sexuality, as nobody can define themselves for the color of their skin.

But there’s something else that we can’t do, not right now, and that’s getting strangers —sometimes, family— to stop defining us by it.

We all know about how Alan Turing went to jail for his sexual orientation when he basically saved the world from the Nazis with his genius. Most of us have heard about Lorca, who was executed by the Franco regime for being gay. And most of you will know a story or two about kids, otherwise loved and cared for, who has been kicked out of their homes just for liking the wrong genitalia.

Whenever you walk the street hand in hand with your significant other, or just walk around in drag, you’re still going to hear faggot, dyke, tranny and even worse. You’ll listen to people say you’re a dyke because you haven’t tasted this dick yet. You’ll hear people hating you just because you decided to kiss your boyfriend goodnight. You’ll be assaulted with extreme prejudice just because you’re trans.

Saying you don’t let your sexuality or gender identity define you is not only a shitty thing to say. It’s incredibly disrespectful to all who have died and suffered just because they were born that way.