This Is How I Say Goodbye To You

The beautiful thing about moving on is that you don’t get to tell me who I am anymore or what I’m worth. You don’t get to define me or make me doubt my talents or my purpose. Your words no longer have that effect on me. I’m not trying to prove you wrong. I’m not trying to win your approval or your love. I’ve learned now that your love was more painful than anything I’ve ever endured. I’ve learned now that the way you saw me was a reflection of you not a reflection of me. I’ve learned now that when someone is as selfish as you are, nothing will ever be good enough for them.

The wonderful thing about leaving you is that I finally get a chance to rediscover myself. You don’t get to silence me anymore. I can now freely express my beliefs, I can laugh out loud again, I can talk and ramble without worrying if you’re going to misunderstand my words or if you’re going to make it about yourself. I don’t have to sleep feeling the heaviness in my chest from all the words I couldn’t say and I don’t have to wake up dreading you even more.

The best thing about letting you go is that there’s so much to look forward to. There’s a whole new world ahead of me. A whole new perspective. I don’t have to use your gloomy glasses, I don’t have to follow your absurd rules. I can now dance in the rain instead of hiding under your umbrella.

I don’t know how you will live the rest of your life but I know that I will not be part of it. I don’t know if you will ever realize what you’ve done or if you’ll ever feel guilty or apologize but I know that I don’t care. I’m not waiting for an apology. I’m not expecting anything from you because right now, I just want to live. I just want to be happy and free. I want to untie myself from all your knots.

You said you were upset that I didn’t get to say goodbye properly so here’s your goodbye. These are my final words to you: if it were up to me, I would have chosen a different ending for us or maybe I would have wanted you to be a different person but I’ve seen your true colors more than once and I know that someone like you will never change and I’m done trying. I want you to know that I’m fine and happy without you. I want you to know that everything makes more sense without you. I want you to know that I don’t want all those years you stole from me back, keep them. I don’t even know if I want the person you turned me into back. Your chapter is officially over.

My life is just beginning and I’m starting a new chapter or maybe a new story, holding the pen I chose, writing down every word you wouldn’t let me say and writing you this goodbye letter because this time, I’m not going to let you ruin my happy ending. You’re not going to be part of this new story. This time, I’m not letting you take the pen away from me.