Why Trying To Fix Your Broken Relationships Is Only Hurting You

You know how they tell you ‘one of those days, you’ll wake up and not think about him/her’ – and you roll your eyes because you think it’s all talk, that there’s no magic formula that will just wipe off that person from your head and allow you to just forget about them, but these people are right and I am living proof that really one day you wake up and it just doesn’t hurt anymore, you don’t think about that person anymore and you feel like you only tortured yourself by holding on to something so fleeting for so long. It feels like you’ve been living a fantasy you created and now it’s time to go back to reality (which isn’t as bad as you think it is.)

I realized that the pain I was feeling, I inflicted on myself. I’m the one to blame, because for the longest time I was trying to fix something that was already broken just because I didn’t want it to end or I didn’t want to believe that I invested so much of my time and my emotions on something that was so short-lived.

But the truth is, they were short-lived because they weren’t meant to live any longer, they weren’t meant to blossom into anything more and they weren’t meant to last as long as I made them last. The truth is, the other person probably wasn’t invested to begin with, they probably never wanted anything real from the start and they probably moved on long before I did.

The truth is, when you try to fix something that is already broken, you’re settling for something so frail that it could easily break again. You’re settling for something that could potentially break you. 

I think this is why people can’t move on, because they have this notion that if they can try a little harder, if they can try to fix what’s broken, if they can just find another way to communicate or deal with that person, they’ll be to get what they want, they’ll be able to change their reality and they’ll be to change someone else’s heart.

But that’s not how it works.

I know it sucks. Not being able to get what you want. Investing in something that collapses shortly after. Picturing a future with someone who couldn’t even picture a few dates with you. It sucks. But it sucks even more when you’re the only one trying, when you’re the only one convincing yourself that maybe if you change a few things, you can make it work, when you tell yourself that you can fix what’s broken because it’s better than starting over.

But that’s not how it works.

Starting over is better. Moving on is better. Finding something solid that you don’t have to fix is wiser. Saving yourself from the heartache of constantly trying to mend your broken relationships is how you find healthy relationships. It all starts with you. It all starts when you stop trying so hard to fix what’s broken and find something intact. When you stop trying to piece something together and start looking for something whole.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.