I Don’t Want Someone To Fall In Love With My Beauty, I Want Someone To Fall In Love With My Scars

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my smile, I want someone to fall in love with my tears, and the stories they hold. I want someone to understand the pain behind each tear and understand the tears behind each smile.

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my laugh, I want someone to fall in love with my silence. With the thoughts that haunt me alone at night when the world gets quiet and the room gets dark and my mind starts to wonder about all what’s wrong with the world, all what’s wrong with my life and all what’s wrong with me. I want someone to fall in love with the echoes of my silence.

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my face, I want someone to fall in love with my eyes, to see how deep they are and learn their secret language. I want someone to walk into them fearlessly and see the world through my eyes. See what I gaze at, what makes me blink, and what makes me want to close my eyes, but what I really want is for that someone to see how I look at him– how I lovingly look at him.

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my lips, I want someone to fall in love with my words. The words I speak so softly when I am fragile and the words I blurt out bluntly when I’m angry. The filler words I use when I don’t know what to say and the profound words I use when I am  pouring my heart out; spilling all my secrets and slowly handing the keys to my heart one by one.

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my normality, I want someone to fall in love with my absurdity. My unusual quirks, my peculiar habits and my bizarre tastes. How I sometimes have unrealistic expectations and how I sometimes have idealistic dreams. I want someone to see the simplicity in my complexity and see the wisdom in my madness. I want someone to see the correlation in my contradiction.

I don’t want someone to fall in love with my beauty, I want someone to fall in love with my scars. Because it’s those scars that makes me who I am, it’s those scars that helped me realize what I want, it’s those scars that show that I’ve been broken because of love, and it’s those scars that helped me love again. Those scars are the reason why I can still love even if it hurts, they’re the reason why I’m still searching even if I’ll never find that special someone – those scars will be the main reason why I’ll understand his scars and I’ll know how to heal them and how to love them.

Because I don’t want to love someone who has never been bruised before; I don’t want to fall in love with someone for their beauty, I want to fall in love with what makes them beautiful.