Ramona Helin

The Hamptons might be the most lovely place to feel dissociated. Upon my initial arrival, I had underestimated its natural beauty. The epic gardens and sunsets are something worth getting away for. But I don’t feel like I’m actually having conversations with people when I’m there…

I was annoyed that, no matter how close I positioned myself to the wall, he took up so much space his legs and arms still touched mine. But after seeing his face exude an ‘I hate myself’ expression, I considered how awful it must feel to be so large, invading people’s personal spaces all the time…

Next year at prom, we rolled up in James’ mom’s minivan and I avoided the bong being passed around in the backseat. This year it was at an auditorium by a lake, where they used to hold our dances in junior high. There was a smoke machine. We danced this year. Frank would do this thing where he’d pick me up and spin me around and throw me across the room.

We decided in that moment to have a tan-off: against each other, against the sorority girls, against the world at large. Like the Peaches song, we would tan the pain away. We just needed to figure out how to translate “tanning salon.”

My ideal male was small town and scratched off the letters on the back on his Toyota pickup truck so it just said “YO.” But those guys didn’t like me — and this one did. Quick to catch-on to JAP boy talk, I name-dropped the only thing I had (“Rad, I know the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies”) despite feeling embarrassed.

You’ll ask how she keeps her energy up and she’ll stop to think, and say proudly, “To keep your heart is young, don’t be so sad.” You can’t use it but it’ll be one of your most favorite quotes ever.

Go back to your room, and to feel safe, put on Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the U.S.A.” on repeat.

Most of the videos are really bad — the costumes and acting might be the worst of all time. But they have playful men and women clarifying their feelings and boundaries, all while maintaining self-confidence and not taking themselves too seriously. They seem really jokey and really healthy at the same time.

When you finally reach the girl with the list, you’re directed over to “standing” – a line of noticeably less attractive people. Watch everyone you’ve seen on the Internet breeze by to his or her seat, in streamlined silhouettes, immaculately groomed. See Kirsten Dunst and Natalie Portman, conclude they were just born with a different kind of oxygen around them. Feel like you’re in special ed class.

Be it Black Friday, Freaky Friday, TGIF or Friday the 13^th : the last day of the work week is ruled by anxiety. One of Twitter’s most popular trending topics, “Follow Friday” is supposed to be some kind of authentic recommendation of Twitter users one suggests to follow. I remember this kind of working in the earlier days of Twitter.

It is impossible to compare these places to Beatrice. Maybe it was strange because the Beatrice didn’t just die one night, it carried on for so long – what we were trying to save was something irreversible. It was special because it was a physical place that summed up a specific time. The bougie/slummy charm, the civilized debauchery – there was appeal that was just made sense in the moment in the city.

I went on Chatroulette for maybe eight minutes. It was winter and freezing. I was in the middle of a bout of seasonal affective disorder, just dyed my hair gray and felt trapped in my apartment. I saw a vagina, a penis and…