When He’s All Talk And No Action

“I would be honored to take a girl like you out.” He said.

We had been texting back and forth for weeks, but we never solidified plans to actually meet up. Week after week we would discuss the newest episode of our favorite television show. And week after week his responses became more sporadic and laconic. I was suddenly waiting around for him to text me for five days. When he finally texted me, it was if nothing had happened. He acted as though it was normal to ignore my texts, even if I had asked a question or implied a follow up text. He didn’t apologize for disappearing either, he just popped up when it was convenient for him.

It’s just a load of crap.

“I don’t want a bunch of weeks to go by of just texting, I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I don’t want that anymore.” I explained to him.

Do you want to know what it’s really like dating as a Millennial? It’s ghosting, bread-crumbing, and any other word that doesn’t seem like it would apply to dating. It’s first dates that don’t lead to second dates. It’s texting conversations that never even lead to dates. It’s unanswered messages, social media requests, and poor communication.

“I can’t wait to talk to you tomorrow and get to know you better.” He said to me as we texted each other late at night. 

The majority of the guys state that they use dating apps because they don’t know what they want. They talk to girls for two minutes and quickly lose interest. They aren’t looking for anything serious. They’re just on the app because their friends are on it too.

And yet, I know so many people who are happily in relationships. It’s quite mind boggling. One of my coworkers inquired as to why I wasn’t in a long-term relationship and I was truly speechless. It’s a complex answer as to why I am single, and yet it’s also really simple. I’m single because I haven’t met the right guy yet.

It had been weeks and this guy had not tried to get to know me better at all. He said he had so many questions to ask me, yet all I got was “hey how was your weekend.” He stopped asking about my day, or work, or what I was up to that night. He never got to know me because he never gave me a chance.

Dating apps aren’t helping the situation. In fact, they leave me feeling more isolated. It’s not actually dating. It’s texting, messaging, snapchating, and every other use of social media. You’re truly lucky if you ever meet up with someone from Tinder, Bumble, or Jswipe.

The best part of dating apps is finding the same guy on multiple apps. And you both match on each app. It’s a convoluted situation where you’re talking to a guy every day, but he could also be conversing with six other girls. He’s clearly in the market and is looking for something, but it might not be you.

I finally addressed our situation. I held onto the belief that we would meet by the end of the summer. By that time, though, I would be packing up to leave for school. A relationship is tough to start when you’re over 300 miles away from someone you barely know.

“I haven’t been the best communicator…,” he said.

It’s probably because there’s another girl who is better at holding his attention. He might have a stronger connection to her. They may have been going on dates, while you sat around waiting for his text.

It could also be due to the fact that he isn’t looking for anything serious right now. He was just on the app for fun and wanted to see who he would match with.

“This just isn’t working out for me, it’s clear we want two different things.” I told him.

I wanted something serious. I wanted an actual relationship with a guy. Not texting phone tag every few days.

“I would have loved to have gone out with you. Any guy would be lucky to have you,” he said.

I stopped answering. There was nothing left to say. If I was such a great girl, then why didn’t he try harder to get to know me? Why didn’t he find alternate ways to see me? Why didn’t he actually value who I was?

He isn’t the right guy for me. It’s as complex and simple as it comes.