2014 Oscars MVPs (According To Me, Not The Academy)

Pharrell’s Hat

The Vivienne Westwood chapeau, colloquially known as the ‘Arby’s Hat’ or ‘Smokey the Bear Hat’, made its first red carpet debut atop the singer’s head at the Grammy Awards.  Shortly thereafter, Pharrell auctioned off the beauty to Arby’s for $44,100 and gave all proceeds to charity.

At the Oscars Pharrell rocked a doppelganger that was equally as chic as the first. Ellen then used it to collect money from the celebs for pizza.

Stylish and functional!

Matthew McConaughey’s Coke Eyes

Oooohhhh really Matthew, pudding was your diet secret. Alright, alright, alright…

You may have come a long way in your career from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and Failure to Launch, two of the possibly worst rom-coms of all time, to excellent works like Mud and True Detective- topping it off with the Best Actor win for Dallas Buyers Club.

But the crazy coke eyes you had throughout your overly religious, painfully awkward acceptance speech were the true superstars of the night.

Jared Leto’s Hair

The softness of silk. The color of the sun. The mystique of a harvest moon.

Jared Leto’s hair was nothing short of perfection. Thankfully, he opted to let it flow au naturale instead of doing something silly like restraining it in a mun (man-bun) or pony tail.

#SUCKIT

The origin of this inside joke between pals Cate Blanchett and Julia Roberts remains undisclosed. But its usage during Cate’s acceptance speech for Best Actress was amazing. Cate politely and humbly gave nods to her fellow nominees and then casually slipped in “hashtag suck it” when she got around to Julia.

The hashy further affirms that Cate and I are destined to be best friends.

Lupita Nyong’o’s Lip Balm

Thank you Lupita, for showing us there’s creative and alternative forms of currency out there we can be using in lieu of money.

I thought that leaving empty gift cards on the table at diners was a thing of high-school-past, but if celebrities are using unconventional goods as a means of bartering then so can I.

John Travolta

Haha Idina Dazeem!

Wait, why was this funny again? Who the hell is Idina ‘Menzel’ and how were we supposed to know she sings the ‘Let It Go’ song from Frozen?  If you’re over the age of 12 you shouldn’t have known and therefore a Bo$$ like John Travolta definitely shouldn’t have known.

So don’t beat yourself up over the mistake, John.

Ellen

I don’t want to hear anything negative about Ellen EVER again after her hosting performance. I felt like I was watching Louie C.K. standup I was LOLing so much. She was my favorite person of the night and looked sharp as shit in her woman-suits.

Ellen, you’re the #1 Oscars MVP and can feed me pizza any day.