Rachel Hodin

You COULD live by this maxim. OR you could live by the more appealing, joyless and realistic one that I have stamped on my throw pillow: Fart, vomit, die. The choice is yours.

I will try and be as inconspicuous as possible, as I nudge my way over to you: the cleanest and least pedophile-looking man in the subway car.

Why the hullabaloo over my $300 anti-aging neck moisturizer?? Just kidding. (Or am I?)

I’m talking about those times you are literally and forcibly lodged into a lumberjack’s stinking armpit.

No but like seriously, can you not? I literally just got a pap smear and I realllllllly don’t want to go back to the gyno, at least not ’til I’m dead.

An unfollower is in search of anything that seems redundant or trite. Which is why they gravitate toward sunset photos—sunsets being something that happen every day and all.

“Kiss The Rain” by Billie Myers

Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star in 1919 because his editor said he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”

Because it was ill-preserved, the penis was allegedly compared to a piece of leather, a shriveled eel, and to beef jerky.

1. Ensure disparities between content of text and tone of text

Parents love to tell their children to “follow their dreams,” but what if their dreams are suffused with trench warfare, turbulent plane rides, and a pervasive air of joylessness?

“I’m dull and boring,” Chabon said, “So I’m always looking for some way out of the confines of my skull.”