The 30 Most Epic Zingers From Famous People Throughout History

1. His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Mae West

2. I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend. If you have one.
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

3. Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one.
Winston Churchill to George Bernard Shaw

4. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx

5. He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.
Billy Wilder

6. Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.
Elizabeth Taylor

7. He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
William Faulkner about Hemingway

8. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?
Ernest Hemingway to Faulkner

9. He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
Oscar Wilde

10. The woman speaks 8 languages, and can’t say “no” in any of them.
Dorothy Parker

11. She said that small towns, that’s the part of the country she really likes going to because that’s the pro-America part of the country. You know, I just want to say to her, just very quickly: Fuck you.
Jon Stewart about Sarah Palin

12. I don’t know him personally. I don’t think his films are very good.
Jean-Luc Godard about Steven Spielberg

13. He could be a maneuvering swine, which no one ever realized.
Paul McCartney about John Lennon

14. I am reading Henry James…and feel myself as one entombed in a block of smooth amber.
Virginia Woolf about Henry James

15. Always willing to lend a helping hand to the one above him.
F. Scott Fitzgerald about Hemingway

16. It is true that I am fat, but one day I shall be thin, and he will still be the director of The Brown Bunny.
Roger Ebert about Vincent Gallo’s film The Brown Bunny

17. He’s a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off.
Lyndon Johnson about Gerald Ford

18. Kevin Costner has personality minus.
Madonna

19. I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I cant conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and hit her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
Mark Twain

20. I can’t stand Beyoncé.
Etta James

21. At least I’m not opening for a cunt like Kanye.
Amy Winehouse

22. Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.
Jon Hamm

23. If people actually knew what she really was like, they would never, ever be interested in her again. She’s just a vile little creature.
Piers Morgan

24. Just so you know, we’re ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas.
The Dixie Chicks about George W. Bush

25. He returns, like a raging herpes rash. He wants me. He needs me, he is obsessed, like a grandpa stalker.
Rosie O’Donnell on Donald Trump

26. People say we’re similar, that we both mix all these things in the pot and spit them out differently, but she spit it out exactly the same. none of her music’s reflective of how weird she wants to be.
M.I.A. about Lady Gaga

27. Joe Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.
Muhammad Ali

28. T.S. Eliot and I like to play, but I like to play euchre, while he likes to play Eucharist.
Robert Frost

29. Bob is not authentic at all. He’s a plagiarist, and his name and voices are fake.
Joni Mitchell about Bob Dylan

30. Listen, sonny, I was writing before you were a glint on your father’s dick. Don’t you tell me how to write songs.
Keith Richards to some figure in the music business