Rachel Hodin

Spring is officially upon us. Time to kiss that freezing abyss we like to call winter goodbye.

It sounds easy enough when you’ve been awake for only three and a half hours; when it’s still a “new day,” in which anything is still “possible.” But it’s important to remind yourself that, above all else, you’re still half asleep and, by extension, not to be trusted.

7. Designer-inspired does not a designer make.

The case of the Mondays are starting to feel less figurative and more literal – as in, a clinical disorder that I should probably get checked out.

14. You really hope your (future) kids like Easy Mac.

12. You’re pretty sure your chakras are misaligned and you’re pretty sure you don’t care.

A former supermodel who has since grown up? Could be the most credible skincare source around.

10. A drunk NYU student or a drunk adult?

The jig is up; you cry like Lilo in court, and the struggles are real.

Before Kathie’s disappeared, “she had told me that Bobby was taking Primal Scream Therapy, and he growled. I never heard him do it, but Kathie would say to me when she was on the phone, ‘He’s doing it now, can you hear him? He’s growling now.’”

9. She wears reading glasses with no prescription.

You two already bicker like boyfriend and girlfriend anyway.