Rachel Freeman

Slice them, dice them, or eat them mouth-first off the plant!

Everybody is so happy for you (and your partner) on your wedding day that it is natural that you are the center of attention. Cameras flashing! Your dress becomes the center of attention too.

Is the smell of nail polish an acquired taste? Now I look forward to it!

Just because you’ve graduated from Harvard doesn’t mean that the iron gates close behind you forever!

It’s easy to cruise around and mindlessly look for the greenest grass, literally or figuratively.

Have you ever played a video game with “checkpoints?” After jumping over many cliffs and facing many challenges and such, you get to ring a little bell, and the game saves your place. In a life that is sometimes interspersed with various challenges, we too sometimes get to ring a little bell and know that everything is okay.

Hipsters typically have so much love and so little space in their teeny apartments. No matter! Here is a guide to gifting that neutral-faced, nonprofit employed, Coachella-dreaming, L-train to Brooklyn riding, Twitter-posting, shoe-gazing, funky, fab ‘90s fanatic in your friend circle or family!

It’s so thrilling to be able to share something with everybody you’ve ever met, all at the same time! And yet, this process comes with a learning curve.

Little girls are eager to try on mommy’s heels and stand in front of the mirror. It’s one of the first true princess feelings in life!

Be friends with everybody, even strangers you are just meeting for the first time.

The Keep It Simple And Civil makeup look shadows on this, and yet has more oomph and subtle glamor while still doing more with less. It is made up, and yet, it says, “I didn’t try too hard to impress you,” “I’m not trying to land you,” and “I’m a friendly, approachable, safe adult.”

A lack of makeup means it won’t transfer to your partner’s face and clothes. There’s nothing sexy about a lipstick stained collar that doesn’t come out at the dry cleaners!

Are you going to pay for college, and will you have to take out loans?

Never get emotional, and never respond emotionally even when you felt that somebody was out of line.

Live alone. Go to a movie alone. Be a role model of how much fun you can have without necessarily being in a couple!

If it evokes a good feeling for you, it will evoke a good feeling for the viewer!

The Vietnam War has been over for 50 years, and yet the counterculture phenomenon is still alive in all of our hearts, whether we were alive at the time or not.

If you’re on edge, it’ll be contagious for the restaurant workers.