How ‘13 Reasons Why’ Stopped Me From Hurting Myself

Not every girl dreams of dating the captain of the basketball team; not every girl talks behind her friends’ backs; not every girl dresses up to impress other guys; not every girl has the privilege of making her sophomore summer the best summer ever.

And everyone who’s been obsessing over this Netflix Original Series knows that Hannah Baker was not like every other girl. Not because she was different or whatever, but because of who people thought she was. Not every girl slits her wrists and bleeds to death, but Hannah did.

’13 Reasons Why’ made me feel so many things, and made me wonder about so many things. But I might never watch it again, and might never even read the book.

After watching the series, you cannot help but think that there could’ve been so many things that might have stopped Hannah from doing what she did. If not so many, then maybe, just maybe, the touch of a friend’s hand could’ve been enough.

But Hannah’s dead now, and all we are left with is millions of ‘what ifs?’

A lot of people ask me why I am depressed. Or what was so bad that it turned into this ball of dark smoke in my heart. Now I know, it’s never one thing. It’s all the little things building up to be a giant monster that swallows you alive.

Sometimes, you fight and make it out alive, and sometimes you just give up. And because I’ve been in both situations, I can assure you that none is an act of cowardice. It takes a hell lot of courage to drown in your own self harm and it takes an equal amount to try and swim through it.

After watching ‘13 Reasons Why’, I know that I would never want to be in Hannah’s place – now or ever. People say the last scene, where Hannah slits her wrists in her bath tub might trigger suicidal thoughts in the viewers’ brains. But let me tell you what. Every person with suicidal thoughts doesn’t need to wait for a TV show to tell them what to do and how to do it.

While I watched the last three episodes soaked in my tears and only hoped that it would all stop and suddenly be better, I knew that this was going to happen.

The entire series was about a dead girl’s tale after all. So, here is Hannah, in her bathroom with the bath tub overflowing with water. She steps inside and sits down. She knows that this is wrong, but she also knows that can’t take anymore wrong. She takes the razor blade and screams as it pierces through her arm, that doesn’t stop her though. She wants this to end, once and for all. Then, she goes for the other arm.

I still remember what it felt like when I saw that for the first time, and will probably remember it for the rest of my life. I saw how her parents reacted to it, I saw how they had absolutely nothing left after their daughter was gone, and I know now that I would never want to put anybody in that place. Ever.

Hannah Baker stopped me from killing myself. Even if I’m hurting, I would never want for others to hurt because of me. Hannah Baker taught me to fight and to live. And for that, she is a hero.