I Don’t Think I’ll Ever Be Able To Read Between The Lines With You

Why can’t you just say what you mean? Why does it always have to be a game? I’m tired of wondering if I’m overthinking it all. You drive me crazy with the words that you say. You drive me crazier with the words that you leave unsaid. You poke holes in our conversations and expect me to fill them with my imagination. I don’t think you realize that when you leave things to the crevices of my psyche, it drives me insane.

Even when you do say the things that you mean, do you really mean them? I mean do you really believe that you’re not good enough or are you just trying to soften a heavy blow? Do you really think I’m amazing or are you just telling me what you think I wanna hear? Do you really believe that you’re not ready or are you just not ready for me? You see – even when we talk, I only seem to remember the words that you forget to say.

But I also think about the things that I have left unsaid, like how your big words make me feel small. And how my inability to win your heart makes me feel powerless. And how no matter how hard I try, you’re all that I think about.

I know it’s foolish of me to hope for that “one day” to come, but I hope for it anyway.

I’ve built scenarios in my head of our perfect future together, a future you once saw with me. It kills me that you no longer see it. It kills me that you no longer want it. But then you look at me that way, and I know in my heart that you’re just scared. But my heart has lied to me before, so I can’t be sure.

I’ve grown tired of going over it in my head. I wish you would just tell me exactly what you mean. But you don’t. You cruelly force me to read between the lines, and you make an effort to blur them further. I don’t think I can ever win with you. I don’t think I ever will.