To Know Grief

Grief, it often takes you by surprise. It’s not that you don’t know it or its presence, it’s that it grabs you and shakes you to the core when you turn your eyes away, thinking everything is okay. It ambushes you when you are alone, when you are most vulnerable; when you think no one is looking, it sees you.

It pushes you hard down to the ground and watches you as your arms and legs give out, as your breath quickens, as your eyes swell up. It will make your heart heavy, make your legs drag, make your vision blurry as all the colors seemingly drain from your world.

How cruel.

The best days are those when it’s not there lurking around you, when you are able to finally eat again, when you can finally get out of bed.

You feel like you have control again.

Sometimes, though, it comes back. Out of the blue, it may come knocking—wait no, it’ll just show up unannounced. It will interrupt you at any time of day; just when you think you’ve forgotten about it, it will appear. Just like that. You should know it’s not a villain. In fact, grief is a guide showing you what loss really means. That deep anguish that comes from loss is a testament to how much love was shared. That even through loss, love persevered. That now, even in grief, there is love. Love will always be there and the pain will subside.

It will get better. Trust me.

One day you’ll realize it comes by less. The feeling of sadness will diminish, but that doesn’t mean whatever you lost means anything less. It just means you’ve come to terms with it, and grief understands this: its job is done.

Yes, grief will leave you at peace at some point, and you will get back up once again. To know grief is to know you’ve loved and cherished. To understand grief is to know that the power of love carries on.