What To Do If You Can’t Move Past Your Heartbreak
It’ll take time but you’ll be okay. You will survive.
Heartbreak can feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It may feel like your heart is weighed down by stones at the bottom of the ocean. It may hurt like a thousand paper cuts. All hope may seem lost and you wonder if you’ll ever love after this. I’m here to tell you this: You will eventually.
Like any wound, the heart will heal with time. As you return to a life before this person, it is your job to retrieve and build this new normal. Time can heal, but it can only get you halfway there. So how will the other half be accomplished? I have a few tips for you:
1. Get Up And Make Your Bed
When it all feels too heavy, I hope you can muster up the strength to get up every morning. Getting out of bed can mean more than meets the eye. It means you are in control. It means you have the courage to take on a brand new day. Take it one step further: Make your bed. This may seem mundane, but at least you look like you have your life together even if your heart is still in pieces. Baby steps—you’ll get there.
2. Keep A Journal
Get your thoughts and feelings onto a page. Whatever is on your mind relating to this heartbreak and that person, just get it out. This will clear your mind. It will declutter the constant thoughts you have about the past. This way, you can stop these thoughts from eating up your mind.
3. Set Mini Life Goals
As you grapple with a new normal, it can be helpful to set some personal goals to keep you on track. These are by no means any sort of big life goals—you could still have these, but I’m talking about the smaller ones. Smaller goals are easier to control and achieve and will help you see growth within yourself and motivate you daily. This could be reading a new book, achieving that fitness goal, redecorating the room, or trying something entirely new.
4. Breathe
Like I mentioned before, this isn’t going to happen in the blink of an eye. This is a process that we all have to endure at some point of our lives. Don’t be too hard on yourself. There is no time limit and it is not a race. Sometimes when you feel like it’s never ending, allow yourself to pause and just breathe. Look back at how far you’ve come. Find mini victories along the way, think of something that made you laugh recently, or check if you’ve met your personal goals.
Now, for many of us, moving on is a very scary thought. The idea of letting go is daunting. This might feel like betrayal of the other person or forfeiting a past that you love, but it is important to know that you are allowed to move on. You are allowed to let go. It will not be betraying that person, it is not giving up either. Moving on and letting go is a strength you discover when you rediscover self-love through the process of healing. This is not to say you didn’t love yourself before, but loving yourself as a singular person is only achievable by you—it is not dependent on another person. Again, this will take time but go at your own pace.
There is often a pang of bitterness when the other person begins to move on. It may sting a little, it may just make you angry, but please remember this: They are allowed to move on too. As hard as it may be to think about, their moving on is their path of healing so focus on your own. Instead of being angry or resentful, take a deep breath and channel it into your own path of healing. Remember, they are letting you move on as well—it may not be apparent, but you are both allowed to let go and move forward.
Once you’ve put in the effort for yourself, in time you’ll see progress. How will you know? Let me tell you, one day you’ll wake up like any other day before, but this time your heart will feel lighter and your mind will be clear. Bitterness and sadness are no longer swirling inside of you, and you smile at how their ghosts no longer cast a shadow over your head. Yes, time helped, but it is you that got yourself there. You crossed that hurdle. Now do you see the light at the end of the tunnel?
