The Art Of Solitude In Relationships (And Why You Need It To Thrive)

In the society that we live in, it is a common denominator to be able to “fit in”. It’s a deception to think that having a large societal circle or cutting into the latest trends and fashion can give you a taste of satisfaction. People think that the accolades of the world and the heaps of praises they get will be their gateway into a life full of success and happiness. Little do they know that they are chasing the wrong herd.

But if we want to truly achieve fulfillment, nothing’s better than to become intimate with our inner self. And we cannot do that if we’ll just depend on other people to satisfy our cravings, to provide us the lamp or to lift us when we’re down. One of these days, we have to man up and find the light at the end of the tunnel – by ourselves.

So, why is being alone essential to our being and ultimately, our relationships? Here are some invaluable viewpoints:

1. Being in a relationship takes a whole different level of significance when you have experienced how to be alone.

Our life is full of binary opposites. How in the world would you be able to sense beauty when you don’t have an own image of ugliness? What could distinguish the right if we have not the idea of what’s wrong? The thing is, the dark is meant to exist with the light. We would never feel the intimacy of being in a relationship if we always deny ourselves the anguish of being isolated. There is no point in running away from our fears and anxieties because at some point, it will catch up to us. Once you have gone through the enveloping darkness of pushing people away, you’ll be able to feel the gravity of welcoming people into your life – and treasuring them this time.

2. It allows you to be true to yourself.

The downside of being desperate for recognition and company is the tendency to show an alternative personality which deviates from our true self. We become entranced with the idea of being accepted in a relationship or the society as a whole that we let people to “accept” our fake self. If we commit to the practice of being alone once in a while, we would be able to distinguish our difference from other beings and in the process, buy ourselves the innocent pleasure of having honest and transparent relationships.

3. It denies you of experiencing relationship burnouts.

Being in a solitary place doesn’t mean that you have to be in a quiet, white-walled room by yourself. For what it’s worth, you can be in a basketball arena surrounded by a rowdy, jeering crowd and still be in solitude. Also, you can be in a happy, free-flowing relationship and still be in solitude. Couples often become distressed because they confine themselves to the thought of just growing together. Teamwork is actually a plus in any kind of relationship but individual development is just as important. The sad truth is it is impossible for people who love us to be there all the time- even if they really wanted to. So as not to develop bitterness and hatred, stop thinking what your partner can do for you and continue readying yourself for a future that involves both of you.

4. And because eventually, the leaf will fall off the tree.

We are constantly deceived by the blunt thought of living alone that we desperately hang on to the branches of the tree so as not to fall off. In one of his essays, Michel de Montaigne, a French writer, said that, “The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself”. You can never find your purpose or your calling if you keep on imprisoning yourself to the bondage of the world. Sometimes being selfish could also mean becoming selfless. Sooner or later, you have to let go of the tree that you have been clinging on to. Because for once in your life, you have to plant your own tree.