Nikita Gill

I am usually the first person to say stand up and fight your demons or your enemies, but there are some perfectly good reasons sometimes to run away from situations. The reason why running away can sometimes be a good thing comes down to removing yourself from toxic situations and instances where you feel like your ability to consent is being stifled and your safety is in danger.

Where do you run to when you realise the thing or the person you have been dedicating so much time to, who has become integral to your life is actually the worst thing that you have been doing to yourself? The answer is nowhere. Right now, you have to face the facts and the facts are hard and cold and horribly unforgiving.

The only true way you are ever going to get over the heartache that is trying to destroy you is by loving yourself. The only way you are ever going to succeed against any and all pain is by learning how to forgive yourself for the things you have done wrong and trying to amend and learn from them. The only way you are going to actually become the best ever version of yourself is by learning to love yourself. 

The problem is not how trauma survivors choose to cope. The problem is society not choosing to aid trauma survivors and finding ways to either blame them and protect their abusers. If only we open our minds to the possibilities of how different trauma speaks through each individual only then we will move forward as a society and stop violence and harassment.

Date someone who loves books. Someone who takes you on magical journeys with all of the tales that they can tell and all of the stories they have read. Someone who is gentle and empathetic as they are full of depth

Let me clear on this from one survivor to another, from one victim to another: You do not have to forgive anyone except yourself to start your healing journey. The person who hurt you, who abused you does not deserve your forgiveness, you deserve your own forgiveness.

Here is a hard thing to admit. Sometimes you are the most toxic person in the room. Sometimes, you have allowed the world to bring you down so much that you spew negativity.

The universe knew that human beings would have their hearts broken a lot and it gave the heart the power of reincarnation, so it could heal itself from even the most colossal of heartaches and love again brand new. Isn’t that incredible? That your heart is capable of loving again, no matter how badly it has been hurt?

You see, here is the brutal truth about people: they may have the absolute best intentions, but they will, like the leaves of the trees that promised they would never leave, drift away. They are temporary and unreliable. They have their own issues to work through, and no matter how much they promise they are going to be there for you, people will let you down. It’s human nature.

This is how true love happens. This is how lasting love happens. It is not the movie theatre type of romance, it is not grand gestures, and dying confessions. Love, real love, is in the quiet of a thunderstorm feeling safe.

Some people survive and talk about it. Some people survive and go silent. Some people survive and create. Everyone deals with unimaginable pain in their own way, and everyone is entitled to that, without judgement.

Thank you because even with all the pain and the heartache and the pain, I do not regret you, you were not a mistake. You were not something to forget easily.

What you have right now is not going to get better if you avoid bettering it by hunting for a secret door out of your life into a magically better one.

No, I am not going to sit here and pretend the problem was me when very clearly it was you. You don’t get to treat me like I am nothing but a fire you need to warm your hands by only to douse it out when the time has come to leave.

One day you will find someone who shows you that everything that scares you can be defeated.

You are blessed, you are, because you have something other people have given up, little realising how precious it is. Your kindness is the most wonderful thing about you and it comes from the softness in your heart, from feeling too much where others feel too little, from noticing the things that other people just pass by.

I am finally teaching myself that I am allowed to exist on this planet without thinking of myself as a burden.

The strongest ones of us need support more than anything in the world because of being strong so very long that when they fall apart, it is not just a human falling to pieces and recovering, it is an avalanche, a volcanic eruption, the amount of pain that you could not imagine possible for a human to hold within themselves.