Here’s What Type Of Basic Bitch You Are (Because TBH We’re All A Little Basic)

Basic Never Has A Boyfriend Bitch: You named your wifi network Single4Evr, and when your friends ask for the password, "DieAlone."

By Nicole Tarkoff

Updated 7 years ago, June 9, 2018

Basic Fit Bitch

You own a tank top that says, “I don’t sweat, I sparkle,” and you have an instagram photo of yourself in the gym wearing it #gymselfie. You also religiously send snap chats of yourself doing planks and squats to all of your friends or of how many calories you burned on the elliptical in 30 minutes. 💪

Basic Seasonal Bitch

The type of latte you buy from Starbucks depends on what month it is. You don’t let the weather or temperature stop you from seasonal activities. On the first day of fall it’s 94 degrees outside and you’re SO ready for apple-picking, but only if you can get a pic for your story while doing it, which is the only reason you wore a flannel lumberjack button-down in 94 degree weather.

Basic Always Has A Boyfriend Bitch

Your latest instagram photo was of the dozen roses bae surprised you with at work. Three months later when bae screws you over, you delete this photo from your instagram. And as for Facebook, your relationship status is ALWAYS up to date. If your boyfriend doesn’t have a Facebook, it annoys the shit out of you (only because you can’t publicly declare who you’re in a relationship with on Facebook).

Basic Never Has A Boyfriend Bitch

You named your wifi network Single4Evr, and when your friends ask for the password,

“DieAlone.”
“Uppercase D?”
“Yes. And A.”

Basic Artsy Bitch

Your phone case is van Gogh’s Starry Night. You definitely own a pair of round-lens sunglasses, Doc Martens, and/or a fedora. You buy all of your jewelry on Etsy, and some of your clothes you sewed yourself. You also dig spoken word poetry, and have applied hand-painted flash tats at least once in your life.

Basic Travel Bitch

You have a longitude latitude coordinate tattoo or a tattoo of a compass. Your mantra is, “Not all those who wander are lost,” but you’re not sure who exactly wrote it or what it’s from.

Basic Sporty Bitch

You played a sport in college. Your team captain got married this summer, and you were one of the bridesmaids. Your childhood bedroom in your parents’ home is a trophy case.

Basic Runner Bitch

Half the conversations you have are about shin splints or the next half marathon you’re training for. You definitely have a 26.2 or 13.1 sticker on the back of your car, if not both.

Basic Yoga Bitch

You have the same pair of Lululemon leggings in four different colors and you wear them while grocery shopping. You live life in downward dog and make your own fresh-pressed juices or smoothies. People often compliment you on your sculpted arms.

Basic Spiritual Bitch

You read tarot cards and your apartment is full of rocks and crystals that have healing powers. You also saged the place before you moved in (because you need to cleanse your home of any negative energy, duh).

Basic Stoner Bitch

You have a “legalize pot” bumper sticker on the back of your white Jetta. You own a vape and you named it. You’re aware that you speak slowly, and make every syllable longer than it has to be, but you think everyone else speaks too fast.

Basic Young-Professional Bitch

You get really excited about pencil skirts. When you got your first professional job outside of college the first thing you thought was, “What am I going to wear?!” Your love life is minimal because you’re focusing on your career.

Basic Just One Of The Guys Bitch

You play Grand Theft Auto on your PS4. You don’t get offended when men talk about tits and ass. You claim “you just don’t get along well with girls.”

Basic Vegan Bitch

Everyone knows you’re vegan (obviously) and when you type the letter V into your Google search bar Vegan Pumpkin Pie Recipes is the first option to select.

Basic Gluten-Free Bitch

You don’t drink beer or eat bread, but you also don’t have celiac, and you do feel kind of guilty about it.

Basic Musician Bitch

You think the acoustic version is SO much better, and that the radio is the death of all music. You own a guitar or ukulele, and as much as you like alternative singer-song writers, you don’t mind pregraming to T-Swift. Before going out, you apply makeup while singing along to “Shake It Off.”

Basic I Love My Sorority Bitch

College was forever ago, but that doesn’t stop you from sporting your favorite letter sweatshirt every Sunday when you’re hungover from drinking too many bottles of Rosé.