22 Thoughts I Had While Watching Lorde’s Music Video For Perfect Places

1. MACHETE!!!

2. Lorde is a Boss Bitch. Do not fuck with her.

3. What would I look like with a machete? Would I scare people? Or would everyone just be concerned for my safety? I should not be allowed to carry a machete. I would trip and fall. I can’t even walk on the sidewalk in flip flops.

4. Corsets on the beach. Okay, this is very Pirates of the Caribbean. But also, like, a terrible idea. Could you imagine getting sand stuck in a corset?

5. Every shot looks like a fucking painting. Or a poem. A painting of a poem?

6. So many colors. Is this what it’s like to have synesthesia? What color are snores? Is Beyoncé’s “Lemonade” yellow? What if it’s purple? People would be so upset.

7. I wish my hair looked like that when it was wet. If it did, I’d just go around with wet hair all day. At work. On dates. Grocery shopping. Everywhere.

8. Why can’t she be as enthusiastic about swinging in that giant vine as she was creeping through these plants with a machete…

9. “Chh Chh” (OMG THAT WAS PERFECT).

10. Is that a red dress? A robe? A tent? It doesn’t really matter because I love it. And the fact that she can run in it.

11. I thought the “solo trip” I took last year was pretty cool. Until now.

12. Never going to drink scotch again unless it’s swimming alone next to a waterfall.

13. I’ll take a Gatsby dinner party for one please. Followed by a tea party. Also for one. Sitting there talking to myself like, “One lump, or two, Old Sport?”

14. This whole thing is SO on beat. I hope no one is watching me dance in my desk chair at work…

15. OMG SHE JUST SHOT COCONUTS OUT OF A TREE WITH A RIFLE!

16. Channeling the shit out of Johnny Depp AND Keira Knightly. I’m gonna be a pirate for Halloween this year.

17. Why am I not dancing with a light bulb right now?

18. This whole wearing a bandana next to a bonfire thing is giving me major Hatchet feels. Brian was for sure the hottest babe to ever grace a middle school book cover.

19. Let’s add chugging champagne alone to my list of “Me Time” activities.

20. Her eyebrows are perfect. So are her cheekbones.

21. But she does have some weird looking fingers. It makes sense now, that that’s how they ID’d her Onion Ring Instagram account.

22. I was nowhere near this cool at 20.