Nico Lang

The result lives on the internet forever. It’s truly super sweet.

If you’re a small-minded yokel who can’t stand to see two men holding hands and loathes watching that short-haired lady dancing on her daytime TV show, Barilla is looking for a customer just like you.

“The Hobbit”: Because you can seriously read this whole damn thing in a Sunday afternoon. What’s stopping you?

It’s not just that J.K. Rowling can’t stop telling her own stories. It’s that we don’t want to let her.

They say that 10 to 15 percent of women have never experienced an orgasm, but that number is about to be zero.

37. Mrs. Grundy: an uptight or very straight-laced individual

“I’ve paid more to be dumped than any man alive.”

2. ‘Veep’ helped Tony Hale finally get that long overdue award that the Emmys owed him after ‘Arrested Development.’ Buster Bluth isn’t a Milford Man anymore.

Dolores Umbridge from “Harry Potter.”

The grossest sentence ever: “While still in my panties, I vomited from my jowls a chunky curd of phlegm that was dripping with roaches, maggots and mucus and gurgled a moist egg yolk while I blogged about it.”

Ben and Jerry’s: that’s what love is.

So I don’t hate Kate Menendez because she chose to be rich. I hate her because she chose to be an a-hole.

“If each dead person became a ghost, there’d be more than 100 billion of them haunting us all. Creepy, but cool.”

Bragging about being from the 90’s, dressing like you’re from the 80’s and listening to music from the 70’s.

“I love mine, and she’s an amazing person, but if my ex were to kiss me right now, it would all be over.”

In the spirit of ‘Breaking Bad’ finally (!) winning Best Drama, all the Emmy voters took meth before they cast their ballots.

14. When people say “That’s funny” or “LOL” instead of actually laughing. What’s with that?

32. Over the bridge to Pimpleton (n.) – cumbersome term for homosexual intercourse.