Nico Lang

The problem is that, although “un”-intentional copying happens all the time in music (remember what Perez Hilton used to call the “Beyonce Recycling Factory?”), Ryan Tedder lands in hot water for it at an alarming rate.

This is not progress.

I know that was the right advice to give (almost every dating book I’ve ever read confirms that this “playing hard to get” mess works), but I wanted to stab those words as they were coming out of my mouth like after-birthday-party balloons.

Part of the reason that Robsten doesn’t matter to me, however, is that I am not a young woman today, and I’m glad that I’m not.

How many friends do you have who are holding out for the “the girl of their dreams” or “the perfect guy,” like Alicia Silverstone in Clueless? The folks who are always single because no one is ever good enough, “at their level” or “get” them, who seem to find something irreparably wrong with everyone they date?

Well, if you’re not going to get that gym membership (a perennial list marker), you might as well actually read those 10,000 books you always say you’re going to get around to. 

I know we all want to skip to the ending — the parts where you host game nights together and do the Sunday crossword in bed — but don’t forget to just enjoy the ride, even if that means you aren’t “Facebook official” yet.

When they know what size you wear.

“Who’s Martin Scorsese?”

To illustrate how bad things still are, I would first like to remind everyone that Congress has an approval rating on par with Paris Hilton (13 percent), pornography (30 percent), polygamy (11 percent), Nixon (23 percent), the BP oil spill (16 percent), the banks (23 percent) and “America going Communist” (11 percent).

They “forget” to invite you to major events all the time, like their sister’s wedding or their mom’s funeral, and their sister has to be the one who invites you instead.

Manson took Scientology classes and then murdered a bunch of people, after deciding that Scienology was “too crazy” for him. Process that.