Nico Lang

Britney Spears’ LGBT politics are stuck in the last millenium.

8. You sometimes describe yourself as having been “born too late” or “having an old soul.”

If ‘Gravity’ isn’t perfection, I’ll take what I can get.

Having a Cleveland Indians logo is like having a “New York Jews” or “San Francisco Chinamen,” mascots that would be blatantly offensive. I shudder to think what the equivalencies for gays or black people would be.

Like the ‘Runner Runner’ poster suggests, Justin Timberlake needs to know when to walk away.

No matter what time of day it is, autocorrect makes you perpetually sound like a drunken idiot — and possibly a sex criminal.

“Can we have a Congressional standoff that results in a suspension of scholarly essays about Miley Cyrus?” – Dave Holmes

27. Love your body, because it’s yours.

7. Define yourself by what you love.

When asked on what year 9/11 took place, 30% of Americans were unable to answer the question correctly, even as few as five years after the attack.

2. YOU CAN WRITE ON THE MOON IN BLOOD.

Who knew that Phoebe from ‘Hey Arnold’ was crazy hot or that 52-year-old Tommy Pickles was a comely grandma? Prepare your brain and your childhood accordingly.

It’s not an insult that you don’t want to meet every guy you connect with, and trust me: for most of them, that’s going to be a huge relief.

In terms of vocab, the 20s got all of us beat.

If you need to come out with a country album, there’s a very simple formula for the cover. First, find a white dude with gay face, preferably if he looks like an ex-boy band member or Jesus. Put him in a dark henley or a plain-colored t-shirt.

In pre-production, ‘American Pie’ was called ‘Teenage Sex Comedy That Can Be Made For Under $10 Million That Your Reader Will Love But The Executive Will Hate.’

6. ‘Gravity’ is the moviegoing experience of the year — and maybe the decade.

22. Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling.