Nico Lang

“All the problems of the world could be solved if we stopped talking about each other and started talking to each other.”

Michael Cunningham, marry me. Seriously.

TMI, but you’ve gotten this far, haven’t you? There’s no turning back now.

On the plus side, Apple Martin won’t have the dumbest name at the playdate anymore.

If you can, find your map and locate yourself. You’ll be surprised what you see when you’re really looking.

I don’t know how this movie passed through the censorship boards, but I’m glad it did. It’s perfect. Just don’t drink Starbucks afterward.

This tweet is a signal out from the brightest timeline — and whoever made it is a golden god and can be my time lord any day.

The song’s lyrics are a love letter to the lower parts of the male form, culminating in its chorus’ snappiest one-liner: “What’s your zipper code?” The song is catchier than herpes.

Russell Brand calls Mika Brzezinski a “shaft grabber” and instructs her to take off her wedding ring while stroking one’s water bottle. There’s something for everyone.

36. “Only time can heal his heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.” – Miss Piggy

But where are the lesbian spaces? In recent years, many queer and lesbi-friendly bars have closed up shop in Chicago, including T’s, which abruptly announced closure in March.

Henry Cavill, welcome to America’s collective spank bank. You’ve arrived.

1. January.

If you like Antonio Banderas or Benjamin Bratt, you’ll fall in love with Fidel Castro, Cuba’s sexiest paranoid psychopath. My theoretical hymen just broke talking about him.

“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.” – Bill Cosby

Do you also have a problem? If these following points sound like you, you may be an addict. But don’t worry. There’s a group for it. On Wednesdays we wear lace.

7. The drive thru at Big Star.

Although everyone has written about the rise of “mommy porn,” few have written about the role erotica plays in readers’ lives—or the utility of sexual discourse.