71 Simple British Slang Phrases Everyone Should Start Using
Gretchen Wieners once advocated that everyone start saying "fetch," but don't stop there. Don't be a tosser. Use them all.
By 
Nico Lang
Are you feeling a bit knackered or fagged today, internet, and need something to be gobsmacked by? Then rest your zonked peepers on these 71 simple British phrases (compiled from slang dictionaries). Some are common, some are out of use, but all of them you will want to start using immediately. Gretchen Wieners once advocated that everyone start saying “fetch,” but don’t stop there. Don’t be a tosser. Use them all.
And just remember: be very careful when you ask a British person how their father is. You know not what you’re asking.
1. Any road: used in place of “any way,” primarily used in the north of Britain.
2. Baccy: shortened word for “tobacco;” also, “wacky backy” means marijuana.
3. Barmy: crazy, insane; always derogatory.
4. Bender: derogatory term for homosexual, like “poof.” (Note: You probably shouldn’t use it or you’ll get slapped, but it’s worthy of note for giving Futurama a very different meaning.)
5. Biggie: term children might use to describe feces; also, an erection.
6. Bits ‘n Bobs: various things. (Example: “My mother has a lot of Bits ‘n Bobs around the house.”)
7. “Bob’s your uncle!”: “There you go! You’ve got it!”
8. Bollocks: technically means “balls,” but often describes something seen as extremely negative or lacking in value; e.g. “total shit.”
9. “Bugger off!”: “Go away!” or “Leave me alone!” (Note: Bugger, used on its own, is akin to “Fuck!” or “Shit!”)
10. Chav: white trash.
11. Cheeky: to be not respectful of something, having a flippant or facetious attitude.
12. Chin Wag: to have a chat with someone.
13. Collywobbles: extreme queasiness or stomach pain brought on by stress, nervousness or anxiety.
14. Crusty Dragon: a piece of snot or booger.
15. Daft Cow: a very stupid person (See also: “Wazzock.”)
16. Dog’s Bollocks: extremely good or favorable, great
17. Dog’s Dinner: to be dressed nicely or look dapper.
18. Donkey’s Years: ages, as in “I haven’t seen you in ages!”
19. Fagged: disturbed, bothered or interrupted (Example: If one were studying for a test, one would not want to be “fagged.”)
20. Fall Arse Over Tit: to have an embarrassing fall or to topple over.
21. Fanny: vagina.
22. Fit: hot or sexually desirable.
23. The Full Monty: going all the way with it, going big instead of going home.
24. “Get stuffed!”: “Beat it” or “Scram!”
25. Gobby: loudly opinionated, offensive or prickish. (See: Donald Trump.)
26. Gobsmacked: amazed or awed by something.
27. Gormless: completely clueless, like Alicia Silverstone in the 90s film.
28. To Have A Butcher’s: to take a look at something or someone.
29. Her Majesty’s Pleasure: being incarcerated or put in prison.
30. “How’s Your Father?”: euphemism for sex (Example: “Have you and your wife had any of the ol’ ‘How’s your father?’ recently?”)
31. “I’m Off To Bedfordshire!”: “I’m hitting the hay!”
32. “It’s Monkeys Outside!”: “Wow, it’s very cold out!”
33. John Thomas: penis.
34. Knackered: phrase meaning “extremely tired,” often uttered after a long, exhausting day; also see: “zonked.”
35. Knees Up: A term for a mixer or a dance party (Example: “I went to this wild knees up this weekend. I wish you could have been there.”)
36. Legless: totally, completely hammered.
37. Lose The Plot: to go “crazy” or become mentally unstable.
38. Lurgy: sick or under the weather.
39. Made Redundant: to be fired or let go from one’s position.
40. Minted: to be extremely rich.
41. Off One’s Trolley: mad, out of one’s mind.
42. On The Piss: binge drinking solely for the purpose of getting totally smashed.
43. On The Pull: cruising for sexual intercourse.
44. Pavement Pizza: euphemism for puke or vomit.
45. “Pip pip!”: archaic, out-of-use phrase used to say goodbye.
46. Plonk: a pejorative word used to describe red wine of poor quality, usually purchased at little expensive.
47. Ponce: a poser.
48. Porkies: old Cockney rhyming word used to mean “lies.” (Example: If one is “telling porkies,” you’re telling lies.) Comes from “pork pies,” which rhymes with lies.
49. Puff: a fart.
50. Rumpy-Pumpy: amazing phrase used as a euphemism for sexual intercourse.
51. See A Man About a Dog: what you say as an excuse for leaving, in order to hide your destination; also, to excuse oneself to take a giant shit.
52. Shambolic: in a total state of bedlam, chaos or dismay.
53. Shirty: ill-tempered, insolent.
54. Skive: a character deemed particularly lazy or incapable of being of use.
55. Slap And Tickle: making out or heavy petting.
56. Slapper: a promiscuous female.
57. Spend A Penny: to use the restroom.
58. Snookered: to be in a bad situation, totally fucked or otherwise without a paddle.
59. Starkers: completely naked.
60. Stonker: a boner.
61. Strawberry Creams: hunger-inducing term for a woman’s breasts.
62. Sweet Fanny Adams: code for “Sweet fuck all”, meaning little to nothing at all. (Example: “I thought I had a chance with her, but I ended up with Sweet Fanny Adams.)
63. Taking The Piss: messing or screwing around.
64. Throw A Spanner In The Works: to make a mistake or fuck up something.
65. Tickety-Boo: phrase for when everything’s going great (Example: “All is tickety-boo in my world.”)
66. Todger: another word for “dick.”
67. Tosh: total bullshit, nonsense or rubbish.
68. Tosser: derogatory term for male masturbator, used to indicate that you look upon someone unfavorably. (Example: “He fancies himself the bee’s knees, but frankly he’s quite the wanker.”)
69. Twig And Berries: male genitalia, the penis and balls.
70. Up The Duff: pregnant or with child.
71. “Who blew off?”: “Who farted?”
