45 Hilariously Relatable Jenna Marbles Quotes That Are Words To Live By
Like all people, I love Jenna Marbles, even when she’s being problematic. I adore her because she’s always so painfully honest and fresh, and I feel like she’s real talking my life. (Except that thing about putting a hot dog in her vagina. I don’t have a vagina, but I know what’s in hot dogs and I wouldn’t want that inside me.)
Compiled from her eons of internet fame, these are some of my favorite Jenna Marbles quotes — all of which highlight her at her most wonderfully relatable. If these aren’t your words to live by, I don’t know your life. She’s not perfect, but that’s what we love about her. She’s just like us.
1. “There’s no cure for ugly, but you can make yourself into a human optical illusion.”
2. “Vaginal birth is for people who want to play by the rules.”
3. “Sharks are here all the time, not just one week!”
4. On sex: “Unless I just scored a touchdown for a flag football team, don’t spank my ass.”
5. “One time I grew into an adult and it really sucked.”
6. “I can’t wait to get fat and eat whatever I want.”
7. “If you’re thinking of going with a more natural look, let’s be serious. You’re too ugly for that.”
8. “You know what they say about guys with big feet: ‘Have sex with me.’”
9. “If you’re a girl and you don’t have any level of girl crushes on a girl, you’re just fucking lying to yourself.”
10. “Kreyshawn taught me that only basic bitches wear Gucci, Louis, Fendi and prada. That means I’m complex as fuck.”
11. “I was born from my mothers butt hole…which was cool and different.”
12. “As weird and awful and terrible as it may seem to be yourself sometimes, it will always reward you.”
13. After primping: “Oh hey, just the same 12-year-old little boy-man-girl, except I’m not wearing a sports bra.”
14. I need that sugar rush to charm your fricken pants off.
15. In order to find out who you are, you will, at some point, have to feel really isolated, left out, different.
16. “Here’s a helpful life tip: Stand by things that are white, ‘cause it makes you look less white.”
17. “Girls are majestic fucking creatures.”
18. “If you don’t like puppies and kitties and animals and that stuff, enjoy the rest of your life…without a soul.”
19. Looking at herself without make up: “Oh my God, I look like a bag of smashed assholes.”
20. “You might as well get some cats and call it quits.”
21. “Jewelry was invented in the 1990s to tell men, ‘I want to fuck you.’”
22. “Let me drop a cold, hard fact on you: There’s no bigger turn on than when a guy has a shameless animal voice. ‘Hey there, Mr. Doggie. Hi!’ What was that sound? That’s the sound of me throwing my underwear across the room. Let’s bang.”
23. “I, Jenna, let my inner fat kid take control of my life.”
24. “I fully respect and support everyone’s right to stalk others via the internet.”
25. “You and me microwave, til death do us part.”
26. “You gotta stop forcing relationships. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, just be like, “Cool, see ya never, bye!’”
27. “And the problem is that there aren’t that many girls out there that are willing to put themselves out on a limb and say ‘Hey, I like you’ because girls are even more scared of rejection.”
28. “Disney movies also taught me that my main goal in life, is to find a fucking prince and marry him.”
29. On working out: “Listen buddy, I can go to the gym and pick shit up and put it back down too. You try to make your butt touch your face.”
30. “Your head and your face are stupid. That’s why we broke up.”
31. “People keep telling me, ‘I have to do this; I have to do that.’ Motherfucker, I don’t have to do anything!”
32. “Girls fucking hate each other for no reason.”
33. “Put your hands in the air if you have no friends!”
34. “Always talk to him about your period. Guys love that! Because they don’t have periods! The curiosity will just kill them.”
35. “James Franco looks like someone my vagina would want to be friends with.”
36.“You don’t have to be better. You just have to be you.”
37. “I don’t give a flying pretzel in skittle rainbow hell what your problem is right now.”
38. “Maybe I should start jogging. Ha ha ha, I’m not going to start jogging.”
39. “You are the most rare & majestic you there ever was and ever will be.”
40. “When I’m feeling sad, or lonely, and I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know where I’m going, I imagine the Cool Awesome Future Version of Myself just telling my present self, ‘It’s okay. You just gotta grab that giraffe by the ears and ride it on out.’”
41. “I just wanted to let you know that if I die and then maybe you die we will have a ghost party and I would make you all of your favorite flavor jello shots and we would get ghostface wasted because thats how much I love you.”
42. “99.9 percent of the time I will talk to anyone who comes up to me, and I am super nice. But as soon as your penis touches my butthole without me knowing, then I’m not happy.”
43. “Nothing says “Call me later’ like puking up your ceasar salad on him.”
44. “Don’t ever, ever, ever give up. You’re here for a reason. Even if it’s just to look at cats on the internet. You’ll figure it out.”
45. “Bye, Spiderman. Bye, other Spiderman.”
Internet, what are your favorite Jenna Marbles quotes? 
