29 Brutally Honest Truths About The Chicago Gay Scene
We are also known for our high murder rates, failing education system, oh and deep-dish pizza!
By 
Nick Moutvic
Chicago is a city built on nepotism and an old boy’s network—that’s how they crammed in Rahm Emanuel as mayor even though he didn’t live here long enough to qualify. We are also known for our high murder rates, failing education system, oh and deep-dish pizza! But, Chicago is also home to a massive gay population, with its own eccentricities. Here’s a peek inside the Chicago gay scene.
1. You have a friend who thinks Rogers Park is becoming the new Boystown.
No, the rent is just cheaper.
2. And, you wish you could trade them for a friend who lives along the parade route, or one with a boat.
3. Instead, you just have ones who won’t stop talking about how they were featured as a “socialite” in Grab Magazine, like that’s a thing.
4. Successfully Convincing straightboys™ that The North End is just a sports bar…
5. Crossing Halsted after one drink…
6. When bars stopped letting bachelorette parties in…
7. We’ve all thought about going to Steamworks.
8. But, then every single time we see someone we know leaving, we’re all like—
9. Trying to explain what Steamworks is all about to straight people…
10. When Mayor Emanuel Posted on Facebook, “Roses are red, violets are blue, marry a women, marry a dude”
Rahm can get it.
11. Running into your ex during Frat Night at Scarlet…
12. Sunday Funday (at Sidetrack if you’re smart)
13. Someone suggesting a brunch spot that doesn’t do bottomless mimosas…
14. It’s not gay brunch unless at least one person is still wearing the same outfit from the night before.
15. The Monday morning after IML…
16. Your friends, after you went home with that guy you met during the Yule Ball at Berlin…
17. That time those (fabulous) Logan Square Witches led a ritual to protect low-income housing and hexed those profiting off of the gentrification of the neighborhood…
UHMUHGAWD can I be your guy’s Willow Rosenberg?
18. Flirting with the Taverna waiters…
Fall back, they are forced to be nice to you.
19. Someone always has to say, “why don’t we mix it up and go to Bucktown?”
20. Wickerpark? Andersonville?
Lol, sweetie, I wouldn’t even go to Downtown Bar when it was open.
21. Cheesie’s is where it’s at, at 2:01am. Good luck making it there before the rest of drunk Boystown.
22. The Productivity level of every Chicago mo the week before Pride and Market Days…
23. How do they expect you to work, when you’re busy explaining Grindr to your straight coworkers?
StraightBoys™ love living vicariously through our sexcapades.
24. When Sidetrack had a fundraiser for the drag queen who’s iPad was stolen…
25. Getting ready for your Coffee Meets Bagel date, while also trying to predict how Lake Effect will drastically change the weather 10 minutes after you leave your apartment…
26. Lucky Horseshoe.
27. Getting the all clear at Howard Brown.
28. When we can’t skip the line at Roscoe’s, because none of us have hooked up with the new bouncer yet…
29. Those queens in SF and NY might think they are hot shit, but just remember, Chicago gays don’t throw shade. We throw punches.
