Nick Moutvic
Writer. Weirdo.
Articles by Nick Moutvic
‘Are Human Hearts Gluten Free?’ And 12 Other Thoughts We Had During The Finale Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’
Well, We’re finally there, the end of the end of the world.
‘WTF Ryan Murphy’ And 10 Other Thoughts We Had During Episode 9 Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’
Ryan Murphy is dangerously close to catching these hands.
Michael Is *Such* A Millennial Antichrist And 7 Other Thoughts We Had During Episode 8 Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’
Oh, what, you’re a white, cis man and you can’t navigate the world made for you? Walk into the river, you’re useless.
Jessica Lange Is Fucking Back & 14 Other Killer Moments From Episode 6 Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’
“I’m Constance Langdon,” says Constance Langdon, “And this is my fucking house.”
12 Things That Still Bother Me About ‘Practical Magic’
Get a fucking grip, Gill! You don’t have “a million friends,” there are like seven people there, and they all look cracked out.
The 10 Most Giffable Moments Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’ Episode 5 ‘Boy Wonder’
If someone gives Misty the heebie-jeebies, we listen to her. Period.
The 13 Most Giffable Moments Of ‘AHS: Apocalypse’ Episode 4 ‘Could It Be … Satan?’
This week on American Horror Story: Apocalypse, we learned that big witch energy is reserved for women, and so they launched an episode-long-wink-wink-nudge-nudge examination of the patriarchy.
10 Things That Still Bother Me About ‘Teen Witch’
P.S. Does anyone know if Randa’s cousin ever un-disappeared?
The 10 Most Giffable Moments Of AHS: Apocalypse Episode 3 ‘Forbidden Fruit’
I’M A HOMOSEXUAL HAVING A PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE THE WITCHES ARE FINALLY BACK BLESSED BE THE GODDESS SO MOTE IT BE.
18 Feelings Every ‘Veronica Mars’ Fan Is Having About The Revival News
Get ready, Marshmallows, because the Veronica Mars revival is officially a go!
The 10 Most Giffable Moments Of AHS: Apocalypse Episode 2 ‘The Morning After’
Our precious little antichrist with locks of gold, Langdon, began this week’s hour of AHS: Apocalypse by literally unseating top-bitch, Venable, at the head table, because just like his hair, Langdon’s actions are layered.
Everything You Need To Know About The Premiere Of ‘American Horror Story: Apocalypse’
Well, another season of ‘American Horror Story’ is here. Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed the last 10 months of regular breathing and quiet, blush-free evenings and not having a heart attack every Wednesday night. But sorry—not anymore!
14 Perfectly Bitchy Responses When He Texts ‘U Up?’
“What’s your favorite sex position? Mine is when I lie down next to a guy I just met and read him all my best tweets.”
The Shooting At Capital Gazette News Offices Is A Direct Result Of Trump’s Attacks On Journalists
Facts matter. Words matter. Hold those in power accountable for their rhetoric; not by screaming into the wind about Trump’s attacks on the press, but by supporting those who uncover his lies every day.
8 Kinds Of People Who Would Survive A Real Life Zombie Apocalypse
Ever wondered how long you would survive in a zombie apocalypse? Well, don’t flatter yourself. According to Physics students at Leicester University, everyone would be dead in less than a year.
Did Melania Trump Just Steal A Plot From ‘The Bold Type’ To Pull One Over On Us?
These stunts are meant to distract the populace from the real issues and turn our attention to something we can all universally be angry about, and bond over, but doesn’t actually matter.
25 Painfully Relatable Truths About The Life Of An Online Journalist
We tend to find ourselves in odd and sometimes infuriating situations that are unique to the business we are in.
29 Brutally Honest Truths About The Chicago Gay Scene
We are also known for our high murder rates, failing education system, oh and deep-dish pizza!